Michelle Obama Wears Spanx. EVERYTHING IS A LIE.


It is time to impeach Michelle Obama. "The" "supposedly" "fit" "First Lady" hasadmitted she needs a slimming undergarment when she is spending Your Tax Dollars on her $58 million (at least) wardrobe for snobby coastal elites from the Chicago hood. The Daily Caller? Oh, just ON IT.

First lady Michelle Obama has admitted that she wears Spanx.

“We all wear them,” Obama swore on Wednesday during a speech to students and fashion moguls at a White House fashion education event, reports The Hill.

Then, after a pause, and after some nervous laughter from the audience, the first lady added: “With pride!”

Also, there are now White House fashion education events.

Spanx, if you are uninitiated, are undergarments and other clothes designed to give the impression that the person wearing them is slim and shapely — a straitjacket for female (and, sure, male) fat, if you will.

Urban Dictionary defines Spanx as “power panties used by portly people for the illusion of slimness.”

DOES IT, Daily Caller? Does Urban Dictionary define Spanx as "power panties used by portly people for the illusion of slimness"? Then that is good enough for us. Especially since there couldn't be any kind of reason Michelle Obama might want to laud a woman who grew a billion dollar business from an idea she had when she in her 20s, because after all, it is hilariously stupid that the First Lady might be hosting White House fashion education events. Haw haw haw, your billion dollar empire that actually makes a thing that some ladies apparently want (not us, but only because "fancy" for us means we brushed our hair and MAYBE put on lip gloss) is stupid dumb bullshit!

More importantly though, Michelle Obama, please stop being a portly piece of shit internationally renowned for being a portly piece of shit.


Anyway, a 50-year-old woman who instructs everybody else to exercise and eat well because of how she is a no-good rotten terrible dictatrix has ADMITTED she wears a girdley type thing to make nice lines under her designer clothes she wears because she is a terrible monster spendthrift who doesn't even eat cut-up hot dog's on Valentines Day and also her mother is a witch. Carry on with your day.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend,'s founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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One day, God willing, my grandchildren will click open their history textbooks and read about the Central American migrant internment camps. They'll learn about sick kids, locked in cages, kept hungry and dirty and cold for weeks on end, and they'll be horrified.

"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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