If You Liked Jesus Feeding The 5,000, You're Gonna LOVE Trump Sucking And Spitting The 60,000!

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Conservative comedian Mike Huckabee is at it again! And he -- like so many other Republicans right now -- is bitching and moaning about how Democrats are using the coronavirus to make Donald Trump look like some kind of idiot, as if he hasn't brought all the best experts in America to harness a robust response to the crisis. Hello? Diamond and also Silk were at the White House yesterday? We are sure they made a plan of some sort?

Huckabee went on the Laura Ingraham White Nationalist Cuddle Hour last evening, and he said what perhaps was the absolute grossest thing he could have said, while attempting to make a dumbfuck point about how Trump could personally cure coronavirus himself and Democrats would still hate him. (Not true. If Trump claimed to have somehow cured coronavirus with his tiny paws and his stable genius brain, we would simply point out that he is lying.)

Hope you just had lunch and were in the mood to hurl it up:


"He could personally suck the virus out of every one of the 60,000 people in the world and suck it out of their lungs, swim to the bottom of the ocean and spit it out, and he would be accused of pollution for messing up the ocean, if he did that," Huckabee said.

Dunno how you're still reading this, because of how that just grossed you out so much you died of consumption, but let's diagram this visual image Mike Huckabee has placed in our brain without our consent:

1. Donald Trump, who is perhaps the ugliest man in the entire world ...

2. Puts his thin disgusting orange lips on 60,000 people and sucks them dry, OF VIRUS. (Because when you're a celebrity they let you do anything! HE COULD SUCK OFF 60,000 PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF FIFTH AVENUE AND NOT LOSE ONE SINGLE FOLLOWER!)

3. And then he takes his shirt off? Or puts on a wetsuit? Because he is about to get WET.

4. Donald Trump is wet now.

5. There goes Donald, bobbin' up and down in the water with 60,000 coronaviruses in his mouth!

6. SPIT OR SWALLOW, DONALD? SPIT OR SWALLOW?

7. Donald Trump spits. On the bottom of the ocean.

Hey, Christians speak of Jesus feeding the 5,000, Mike Huckabee speaks of Trump sucking and spitting the 60,000, oh my God this post is over, because if we don't end it, we're going to end up making it grosser, and you are already dead of grossness, the end, OPEN THREAD.

[Talking Points Memo]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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