Do you remember Before Obamacare? I remember it really clearly. I was unemployed and couldn't buy health insurance because I'd had a cyst once, and when I tried to apply for it, the insurance companies laughed and laughed! Then my boob caught fire with a crazy infection and Planned Parenthood said "you should go to the hospital!" and so I went to the emergency room at County USC, where the line to drop off a prescription was three hours long, and I was in the ER for 11 or 13 hours, I forget, and the doctor looked like he was going to cry when he looked at my boob and said "I'm not saying it's cancer ... YET," and while I was there they towed my car.


OH HO HO HO HO IT WAS MARVELOUS. They said, regarding what they thought was an incredibly fast-acting cancer, that I could see a specialist in nine weeks.

And -- despite it's being the charity hospital for Los Angeles's poor -- it WASN'T EVEN FREE.

Then I was all FUCK COUNTY USC, IF I'M GOING TO DIE, I WILL DIE IN DEBT TO CEDARS SINAI. There they had soft robes and cucumber water like it was a fancy lady spa. And the old Jewish doctor head of the breast center there kissed my forehead and said "honey, I promise, it's just an infection." And the Jewish people in the collections department had me sign a thing and then they said "congratulations on being so poor, you are our charity case now and owe us no money" and I said "HOORAY! THANK YOU JEWS!"

My point is, while I was lying on that gurney for 11 or 13 hours, I forget, I wrote a letter to Barack Obama, and it was very WHINE I AM DYING ON A GURNEY, PLEASE MAKE ME SOME OBAMACARE.

And he did.

With that Obamacare, I buy health insurance for my family of four. It's a lot! And because Montana got a "waiver" that exempts it from some Obamacare requirements (our Dem governor did manage to get expanded Medicaid from a crap legislature), it doesn't always cover things like "doctor's visits." So that is lame! And the price has gone up! It is definitely not as good a deal as it was! BECAUSE THE REPUBLICANS BROKE IT ON PURPOSE! They fucked lower-middle-class people who are *literally forbidden from buying insurance* on the exchange because they *don't make enough money.* And they fucked poor people by turning down free federal money to put them on Medicaid. And they fucked everyone by doing a little dance purporting to make Obamacare "revenue neutral" by forbidding the government from helping eat insurers' losses so they'd end up raising rates on all of us.

You do know they did that on purpose, right?

But it is still good to be able to buy that insurance, in case of things like "fast-acting breast cancer," or I don't know, other things I do not want to think of right now, so I won't.

So who can GETTTTTTTTT FUUUUUUUCKED today? THESE GUYS.

You like that they have their little talking points? You like them saying "freedom" over and over again? You like that fucking cock Mike Pence making a mean little face when he says "individual responsibility" while he gets his fucking insurance from the fucking government and he's calling US takers?

These two mewling, disingenuous whey-faced pus boils on humanity can kiss my baby-hemorrhoidal ass. But more importantly, they can lose. They can lose 2018. They can lose 2020. And they can see what REAL "paid protesters" look like. We look like we are going to kick your fucking asses is what we look like, you fucking dicks.

WE ARE GGRRRR MAD AND ALSO AD-FREE. GIVE US MONEY PLS.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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