Mike Pence Did Benghazi With His Emails, LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!

Hillary Clinton

We wonder if, during the 2016 election, as hordes of human beef tips in Hoverounds screamed "LOCK HER UP!" at Trump rallies, future Vice President Mike Pence ever stood backstage, hearing the AOL "You've got mail!" sound in his weird-looking head, and began to feel something resembling Christian guilt. We wonder if, when he sent this tweet, lavishing praise on the FBI for re-visiting a bullshit investigation into Hillary Clinton's emails, a tiny voice inside his head remembered being in an AOL M4M chatroom, and getting an Official Governor's Business email that he accidentally responded to in said chatroom, because oops, he was using his private AOL account to do official Governor Business. We wonder if any of the other millions of times Pence was condemning Hillary for her emails, he felt embarrassed, because he knew he was concealing some of his own dirty emails, between his scaly white legs. We just wonder!

The Indianapolis Star has the scoop:

Vice President Mike Pence routinely used a private email account to conduct public business as governor of Indiana, at times discussing sensitive matters and homeland security issues.

Emails released to IndyStar in response to a public records request show Pence communicated via his personal AOL account with top advisers on topics ranging from security gates at the governor’s residence to the state’s response to terror attacks across the globe. In one email, Pence’s top state homeland security adviser relayed an update from the FBI regarding the arrests of several men on federal terror-related charges.

UH OH! Now, as the Washington Post points out, there are significant differences between Pence's AOL free trial disk and Hillary's high-tech lady email server. It was definitely legal for Pence to use a private email for certain things, whereas the legality with Hillary's thing was a little murkier. (A LITTLE.)

Another difference is, whereas some said Hillz's emails could have been hacked, Pence's emails definitely for sure were:

While there has been speculation about whether Clinton's emails were hacked, Pence’s account was actually compromised last summer by a scammer who sent an email to his contacts claiming Pence and his wife were stranded in the Philippines and in urgent need of money.

But could that not have been true? Mike Pence is a very stupid man, so we're entirely willing to believe he and his wife went to the Philippines and got lost, then emailed all the screen names on their instant messenger to beg for dollars. Seriously, this is plausible to us:

(Maureen Groppe / USA Today)

Anyway, just fooling, his email was definitely hacked. And he had sensitive information on his emails too! Information so sensitive that the current governor of Indiana, Eric Holcomb, blocked out a bunch of shit before releasing that batch to the Indy Star, and also withheld some, because they were too "confidential." LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!

One thing that is THE SAME about Pence's emails vis a vis Hillary's emails is that he left it to his lawyers which emails should be turned over from his AOL account and archived in the first place:

Pence's office said his campaign hired outside counsel as he was departing as governor to review his AOL emails and transfer any involving public business to the state.

Did we not constantly hear during the million-year-long Hillary investigation that it was GRRR ARGH ARGLE BARGLE! that Hillary's lawyers were the ones who decided what was bidness and what was for personal? We are just saying.

Now, Hillary Clinton was cleared 100% of any wrongdoing (TWICE), and FBI Director James Comey said she did nothing a "reasonable prosecutor" would choose to go after. Is that true with Mike Pence? Well, we just don't know! Maybe there was very serious stuff on there, and he shared Indiana Secrets with the terrorists! Or the Russians!

We should probably just lock him up anyway, just in case, for being a dirty aggravated AOL emailer, because that is a thing we lock people up for now.

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[Indianapolis Star / Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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