I'm the Rhoda, you're the Mary.

Hi St. Paul, where we will be, and your neighbor Minneapolis who I guess is invited too! Whatcha doing? Oh, you're putting on your zippiest housecoat and setting your hair to look your best when we see you TONIGHT? That is just exactly what I thought you were doing.

What is in it for you to show up at a Wonkette party? Well, I buy either the food or the drinks or both, and I kiss you on your faces, and we laugh and fellowship together and we talk so much shit, and you can usually get a picture with the baby if she's not being a dick. Even people with so much social anxiety always have a very good time, because we are the greatest.

Come join us at Moscow on the Hill, where I will buy the Russian blinis and potato salads and whatnot, and YOU will buy your own vodka! 371 Selby Ave., St. Paul, MN, (651) 291-1236. Wed., March 14, 6-8 p.m.

Tomorrow! Madison, Wisconsin! Your comrades' private home, 5118 E. Buckeye Road, Madison. Thurs., March 15, 6 to 8:30 p.m.

Chicago! Join us for a no-host wine tasting! (That means you pay $25 to drink all the wines, but we buy you beautiful appetizers from Brazilian Bowl! If you ain’t got $25, PLEASE email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com and say YOU WANT TO COME! Don’t be shy, the Wonkette Nation sent good money for you to join us!) Fri., March 16, 7:30-9:30 p.m. at wineHouse, 3164 N. Broadway.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Sun., March 18. Where? I will get around to that when I get to it.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Tues., March 20. Same.

Brooklyn, NY. Join us at your comrade Erin’s restaurant Grindhaus in the Red Hook neighborhood! Again, appetizers on me, drinks out of your own wallet. Thurs., March 22, I think maybe 7 p.m.

Washington DC! We’re buying you pizza somewhere Fri., March 23, to carbo load for the Teens March for Our Lives, then meeting you somewhere else Saturday morning!

Baltimore, Maryland! Block off like 4-7 p.m. at Holy Frijole (I'm pretty sure) Sun., March 25.

Morgantown, West Virginia! Let us wipe off the coal dust and kiss you on your FED UP faces! Mon., March 26. And then …

Somewhere in Kentucky!

Probably Indianapolis!

Looks like Kansas City!

And then Denver! To home!

Thank you for loving Wonkette. We love you right back!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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