Missouri Democrats Literally Could Not Shut Up About Gay People This Week
[contextly_sidebar id="GBDy7nnv6D7gfWQvzILinrwGtq47VqWN"]If you happen to be passing through the Missouri state house today, there are some Democratic state senators who deserve a pat on the back and whatever free Frosty coupons you might have lying around, because they tried VERY hard to stop one of those grotesque bullshit "religious freedom" bills from having a chance to become law. You know, THOSE laws. The ones that say that if you're a fundamentalist Christian cake baker who bakes cakes for a living, you should get a Get Out Of Cake free card if some icky old gays come in and try to order a cake for their icky old gay weddings. The morons who support these laws actually think that being forced to bake that cake (for money) is an infringement on their religious practice, because they are, again, idiots.
So at 4 PM on Monday, Democratic state senators decided to collectively come down with a case of diarrhea of the mouth and employed the age-old tactic of filibustering the bill, FOR 39 AND A HALF HOURS. Wednesday morning, the fuckhole Republicans shut them down:
After a 39-hour filibuster by Missouri Democrats, Republicans turned to a rarely-used procedural maneuver to cut off debate and force a vote on legislation granting greater protections in the state Constitution for some business owners and individuals opposed to gay marriage.
After debate was cut off, the legislation was granted initial approval on a 23-9 vote. [...]
The measure would amend the Missouri Constitution to prohibit the government from punishing individuals and businesses that refuse on religious grounds to provide goods or services for marriage ceremonies or celebrations of same-sex couples.
As the Kansas City Star explains, Republicans used a little trick called "moving the previous question," which is a simple yes or no vote on ending the filibuster. It's "rarely used" because it usually pisses the filibusterers (filibusterinos?) RIGHT off, leading to retaliations and swordfights and visceral hatred and probably horse heads being left in legislators' beds, we don't know.
[contextly_sidebar id="BHuQIt9jlZOMtTmJt53MfLxBRJCQOXhi"]As is always the case with bills like these, it is stupid and unnecessary. Senate Joint Resolution 39 specifically states that churches and pastors won't get tyrannied by the state if they refuse to engage in wicked gay marriage funtimes. They already have those protections, of course, but might as well say it again! But even better, the amended version adopted Wednesday morning says if you're a Jesus-humping pizza maker or flower arranger or cake baker, then you're exempt from treating people equally, because Jesus taught that His followers were supposed to be sensitive fucking snowflakes who don't have to play by the goddamned rules. It's right there in the Bible, y'all, don't play dumb.
[contextly_sidebar id="RreuYQvxeIi4Mb8U4g5jBfSNJBh6W2EX"]Now, of course, big business is against this bill, just like in Indiana and Arkansas and Georgia and everywhere else these bullshit bills turtle-head out of Republican lawmakers' assholes. (Because they're BAD FOR BUSINESS.) In Missouri, one of the largest corporations to come out against the bill is evil disgusting behemoth Monsanto, so if you're feeling gracious and want to give credit where credit is due, you may say "Thank you, Monsanto, for not being awful this one time." Dow Chemical is also on record in opposition.
Now, the bill isn't headed off directly to be signed by Gov. Jay Nixon. First it has to pass another vote in the state senate, and Democrats coulddo more filibustering if they wanted. If it passes, though, it heads to the House, then to the governor, who will then put it on the ballot for the commonfolk of Missouri to vote on. Yay, let's vote on LGBT people's civil rights, it's so 1990s!
Good try, Missouri Democrats. Now go home and get some rest and dream of all the sweet revenge you're going to get on those backwards-ass paste-chomping Republican motherfuckers.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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