Mitt Romney, Everyone! Probably Running For President Again!


Of all the comical failed Republican presidential candidates from the year aught-eight, none tugged at our heartstrings more than Mitt Romney, who lost $40 million of his own money in his fruitless quest to persuade people to like him. By 2012, he will have recouped all his losses by doubling down in America's hot real estate and financial sectors, and he will have zillions more to spend on becoming conservative voters' business-minded, slightly deranged alternative to the clinically insane grandmother of eleven, Sarah Palin. Mary Matalin says Romney's going to run, and we all know she gets her information straight from the horse's mouth (i.e. Cheney's anus), soquod erat demonstrandum, etc. [AP]


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