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Mitt Romney To Give Commencement Address In Liberty ‘University’ Outhouse With Jerry Falwell’s Mother

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Like it says dudes. His Lord High Hairgel Mittens Of Romney will put on hisholy gown and tassel and get down and boogie with the common rubes of Jerry Falwell's Liberty "University" for a commencement speech where he will undoubtedly say awesome shit like "some of my best friends own universities" and then tell all the chicks that it is cute that they went to college, did they get their MRS haha just kidding (no he's not)?


Here is a perfect place to put in the latest weird thing Ol' Diarrhea Mouth said, because he cannot stop weird diarrhea shit from flowing from his lips whenever they are open, just like you know he is going to do to the wingnuts at Liberty "University": So he went to a thing in Pittsburgh and insulted the food they served him. "I'm not sure about these cookies," he said. "They don't look like you made them. [crosstalk] No, no. They look like they came from the local 7-11 bakery or wherever." Haha? Good joke?

MITT ROMNEY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Anyway, now he will have disgusting old motherlover Jerry Falwell farting his approval all over him, so now all the evangis will only half stay home on election day (because he is a cultist). [LibertyUniversity]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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