Playgirl wants you to pick "which anchorman would you most like to see in Playgirl." As an avid cable news consumer, I can attest there are some genuinely sexy know-it-alls (we likes 'em snarky!) scattered among the bubbleheads, but Playgirl's list seems lifted from AARP Magazine, not Fleshbot. I mean, please: Geraldo Rivera? Wolf Blitzer? Andy fucking Rooney? The only Playgirl readers who want to see these gentlemen naked are the ones with an unnatural attachment to their Shar-peis.
And so many names are missing! What about Tucker Carlson? Joe Scarborough? Aaron Brown? Sigh. We'll be writing in Chris Matthews (of course), but we all know who's going to win: Pretty boy Cooper. Because he appeals to all those straight women who subscribe to Playgirl.