Monday Morning Cringefest: Behold, The Horror Of 'The Conscious Man'
Hello! And welcome to what we hope shall be a new weekly feature here at yr Wonkette, the Monday Morning Cringefest. Why? Because as of today I am FULL TIME here and your Editrix is allowing me to indulge what is, perhaps, one of my greatest passions -- terrible YouTube videos.
(Also why? Because as of today, CA Pinkham has taken his Off The Menu over to Thrillist, and we need something JAZZY to fill the hole in our hearts and our pageviews.) To kick things off, I first present a classic. A personal favorite of mine from way back in 2011, titled "Dear Women," sure to make your reproductive organs shrivel up and die. See how long you can watch it before you stop it for fear you will never be able to have sex again.
Now, I am all for dudes being feminist. In fact, I feel like it should be the default position. But this is just wrong. This is like earnestly saying "make love" or calling someone your "lover" or like, trying to tantric sex a lady without considering that maybe she wants a sandwich after two hours wrong. This is the wrong way to be a male feminist. This is the wrong way to do anything.
Since I am going to guess that most of you will not actually watch the whole eight-minute long video (unless you are non-sexual masochists), here are some of the best quotes:
I know that in order to truly honor you as a multi-dimensional woman, I must stand fully present in myself, and own the gifts I have to share with you. We can create great miracles together by nurturing each other in a conscious way, by treating each other with reverence and respect, and by worshiping the divinity expressed in both masculine and feminine energy.
I honor your intuition and your profound capacity for feeling. As men, we have often devalued feeling and intuition in favor of a view dominated by data and logic. This way of being seemed necessary to move humanity beyond superstition and animalism, but in the process we lost much of the heart of life. I commit to respecting the arts of feeling, intuition and wisdom of the feminine heart, so that together we can integrate them into a balanced view of life, that honors and includes all wisdoms.
I honor the beauty and integrity of your body. When we nurture each other through our bodies with awareness and devotion, there are no boundaries to the love that we can generate. I feel sorrow that men have used your beauty as a form of commerce in prostitution and pornography. In the grip of lust we have often lacked the skills to ask gracefully for intimacy or to take ‘No’ for an answer. I take a stand against any form of enforced or soulless commercialization of woman’s beauty, and I respect that your body belongs to you.
OH. And in case you assumed these dudes went into hiding to die of shame after this came out? You would be wrong. In fact, one of the hosts is even hosting "Conscious Man" coaching training, because more dudes should definitely be trained to walk around acting like the personification of Paul Anka crooning "She's Having My Baby."
[H/T Jenn Tisdale]
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse