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Montana Legislator Dave Hagstrom Makes Run At Title With Homophobe/Die-Poors One-Two Punch

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Ladies and gentlemen, do we have a new contender? Is Montana Rep. Dave Hagstrom here to take home the whole shebang with his one-two knockout punch? First Hagstrom wrote a fairly hilarious letter to all his tenants explaining that they were just going to have to die young for the good of the nation -- before it was revealed that when it comes to federal moneys and his rentier lifestyle, a river runs through it. And then Montana Cowgirl gifted us with this video, above, where Hagstrom explains how gay penises should retract like ball point pens, because of how they are not "normative." Aw man, next we are going to be hearing about Foucault and cis-privilege and hegemony and stuff, like we never escaped from grad school at all.

First let us look at his hilarious letter of Easter tidings, which we found rather sweet (as he explained to all his tenants why they should die). First he is all arglebarglederpdipdoo about the debt and stuff and how it gives him sadz, and then he comes up with an action plan:

First, you accept that not everyone, including yourself, needs to live as long as they currently do, or as "comfortably" as they currently do.

Second, you accept the fact that you a nd your neighbor are going to have to work harder than ever, maybe take a second or third job and live on less.

Third that you plan to take your own health seriously and assume it is your responsibility to be healthy by getting more exercise, watching less TV, and eating cleaner, cheaper, healthier food than you have been.

Forth, that you manage the relationships in your Ufe by removing those friendships that are abusive and

destructive.

Fifth, that you begin taking into your life those family members who need help even if you could pawn

them off on the government.

I respect you, esteem you, and am grateful to be your landlord. I hope your Easter weekend was restfull.

Haha, see? Nice! In a totally bizarre Logan's Run way, and also as a very "admit you are powerless over alcohol" and "come to believe in a power higher than yourself" kind of thing.

Except oh, does it turn out Rep. Hagstrom makes pretty much his entire living off Section 8 payments from the gubmint? Huh. That's so weird.

Now let us move on to Hagstrom's awesome analogy about gay penises! You already watched the video, above? There, he explains that a pen has two purposes: to write with, and a secondary purpose, which is to retract so you don't get come on your face ink on your pocket. But then he says sex's primary purpose is to make people, and pleasure is only secondary. But that secondary purpose is still "deviant," or not "normative" but he already said that it was a purpose? So is it deviant for his pen to retract?

YOUR ANALOGY IS BAD, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.

But here is the best part: he went back and was all, I did not say the thing you think I said. On the video. And if the video showed me saying what you think I said, then the video is wrong.

“I haven’t seen the tape [of my remarks], but it should show I said sex is for procreation and sex is for pleasure,” Montana state Rep. Dave Hagstrom (R) said. “That’s what I said. I don’t know if that’s what the video says I said… Of course sex has two purposes.”

Ladies and gentlemen, we might just have a weiner.

[MontanaCowgirl / BillingsGazette]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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