Whom Are We Arresting For Capitol Rioting Today?
Justice Department photo

Super-smart people who took photos and video of themselves participating in last week's armed insurrection keep getting arrested for some reason, as law enforcement, often with the help of people on social media, continues identifying them. While it might have made a hell of a lot more sense to arrest people during the riots, at least the suspects helped move the process along by documenting themselves trying to overthrow a legitimate election. White privilege: finally an upside.

Let's take a moment to update our earlier roundups of those who were rounded up (or lost their jobs), mostly because they were certain they were above being held accountable. We're sure the list of the terrorists next door will keep getting longer and longer.

Idaho Dingus Hanging From Senate Gallery

Josiah Colt, the nice fellow photographed sitting at Mike Pence's seat on the dais in the Senate Chamber after hanging by one arm from the Gallery, turned himself in at the Ada County Sheriff's Office in Boise Tuesday. Colt had bragged in an online video about having sat in "that bitch" Nancy Pelosi's chair, because he had no idea what side of the Capitol he was even in, but later insisted he had simply gotten caught up in the moment and was very sorry, and that he had actually dissuaded others from vandalizing the Senate chamber, what a hero! It's not yet clear what exactly he'll be charged with.

The Other Flex Cuffs Guy

Eric Munchel, one of the two flex-cuffs-carrying guys in the Senate chamber, was arrested Sunday after being identified by a bunch of people working together on Twitter. Munchel is the one who wasn't retired Air Force Lt Col. Larry Rendell Brock Jr, who was arrested more quickly because he hadn't covered his face. Hilariously, Munchel was ultimately identified in part because he bought a lot of very pricey, distinctive tacticool gear that he also wore in other photos where his face could be seen. His mom, Lisa Eisenhart, who's also in the photo because the family that grew together did a coup together, told the Nashville Tennessean that she and her son actually "saw the zip cuffs on top of an already opened cabinet in the hallway inside [the] Capitol building" and then took them to "prevent them falling into hands of bad actors," which is the very same excuse Brock made. Man, that Capitol was full of heroes!

Ms. Eisenhart, a nurse, also told the Sun tabloid that she and her son were motivated by the purest of patriotic motives:

"This country was founded on revolution. If they're going to take every legitimate means from us, and we can't even express ourselves on the internet, we won't even be able to speak freely, what is America for?

"I'd rather die as a 57-year-old woman than live under oppression. I'd rather die and would rather fight," she added.

As far as we can tell, Ms. Eisenhart has not been arrested despite being in the Senate chamber with her son.

'Camp Auschwitz' Shirt Guy

Robert Keith Packer, the guy wearing the cheerful "Camp Auschwitz" shirt featuring the SS death's-head insignia, but with the crossbones replaced by canoe oars, was arrested Sunday in Newport News, Virginia. Like most of the others so far, he was charged with entering the Capitol without authorization and violent entry/disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds. His mother doesn't seem to have been available for comment, but we can at least hope she's either mortified or no longer among us to die of shame. Note: No comments saying his prison name will be "Fudge Packer," because it's not clever, it's homophobic, and it's a prison rape joke, and we don't do those. I've removed similar comments already. Jesus you people.

Couple Of Asshole Cops From Virginia

Two off-duty cops from the Rocky Mount Police Department in Rocky Mount, Virginia, were charged in federal court Tuesday and arrested yesterday, again after helping investigators considerably by posting selfies of themselves during the riot on social media. Jacob Fracker and Thomas Robertson each got the usual pair of charges everyone else did. In addition to posting the selfies to social media, Buzzfeed News reports they also "sent copies to their colleagues in the police department, according to an affidavit."

And what nice fellows they are! Robertson described the Capitol attack as exactly that, an attack, posting a message saying

CNN and the Left are just mad because we actually attacked the government who is the problem and not some random small business. [...] The right IN ONE DAY took the f***** U.S. Capitol. Keep poking us.

See? They were fighting back against public health, for America and owning the libs.

Fracker posted a social media message that completely dismissed the notion he'd face consequences, because he is a patriot and he did nothing wrong, duh.

Lol to anyone who's possibly concerned about the picture of me going around. Sorry I hate freedom? Sorry I fought hard for it and lost friends for it. Not like I did anything illegal, WAY too much to lose to go there but y'all do what you feel you need to lol.

The two are on administrative leave while the police department investigates and finds them too embarrassing to just let off with a wag of the finger. Or until they're let off with a wag of the finger.

Guy Leading Pack That Chased Black Capitol Cop

Image cropped from video by Igor Bobic on Twitter

Douglas Jensen was at the head of the mob seen chasing lone Capitol cop Eugene Goodman up several flights of stairs in the Capitol. Jensen was easy enough to identify, CNN notes, because he identified himself on Twitter wearing his big dumb Q shirt. Jensen was arrested in Iowa last Friday.

Officer Goodman is a goddamn hero who almost certainly saved lives in the early moments of the invasion, because as you can see in the still above, from a video by HuffPo reporter Igor Bobic, when Goodman reached a hallway that led directly to the Senate chamber, he ran away from that hall, leading the mob away from it. CNN reports that senators had not yet evacuated the chamber at the time the video was taken.

And how about we close out our roundup right there on a good note, shall we, even if it's not all the arrested idiots? We'll let you know when Officer Goodman gets the medal and promotion he more than earned.

[CBS2 / Memphis Commercial Appeal / Daily Beast / Sun / CNN / Buzzfeed News / CNN]

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Moderator's note: Yes, you filthy fuckaducks, the commenting rules remain in effect. You don't have to say anything nice about any of these assholes, but you can't fantasize about how swell it would be to torture or kill them.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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