Most Exciting Election In The History Of Ever Is Today!


Today we celebrate aBELLWETHER ELECTION up in New York's 20th Congressional District. Once a harmless gun nut named Kirsten Gillibrand held that seat, but then she became the poor man's Hillary Clinton, so the voters in her district must now decide whether they will be led by a human named "Murphy" or a human named "Tedisco," allegedly.

The important thing to know about the election is this: If the Democrat wins, it is because Barack Obama is (still!) so popular after, what, nearly ten weeks in office. If the Republican wins, it is because Michael Steele has flown in on a deep-fried golden bull of Mammon and rescued his party from eternal shame.

In other words, this election in an obscure rural district in upstate New York will give us a one hundred percent accurate view of the national political landscape, and anybody who tells you different is probably a communist.

Polling places opened nearly four hours ago, so if our dozens of readers from NY-20 have not voted yet they have probably already been shipped to Guantanamo.


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