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Judging you right now.


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Hey ALL THE MEDIA, you still having fun investigatin' the San Bernardino terrorist attack? (Yes, we can call it that now, because the FBI confirmed it. See how that works, Fox News?) Have you come up with any new ways to completely shit the bed with your reporting, maybe because you thought The Daily Beast was some kind of journalistic inspiration for misidentifying an innocent man (and American hero!) as the shooter, and refusing to back down even though more careful news sources (cough WONKETTE! cough) were telling them they had they wrong guy?

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Or MAYBE you heard Donald Trump's thing about how "we have to take out their families," referring to the presumed innocent kinfolk of people related to terrorists and thought, "Now THAT's an idea! How can we, as the shitty, lazy-ass U.S. American news media help?"

Here is a screengrab of NBC News reporter Kerry Sanders inside the San Bernardino suspects' apartment Friday morning, holding up Syed Farook's MOTHER'S driver's license, with the pertinent information blacked out (by the far more responsible NRO contributor Stephen Miller):

MSNBC, however, broadcast its video LIVE, without redaction. In the video (which we will not be showing because #ethics), you can hear someone saying, "Don't show pictures!" Good job, producer or cameraman who is not a goddamned moron! OR IS HE?

Because the network ALSO showed the mother's Social Security card. Nothing so personal as a photograph on there!

Ooh, anything else tacky and distasteful to show the viewers at home?

"Hey little baby! Sorry your parents are dead and stuff, but America is bloodthirsty for information, so smile for the camera! Love, your friends at MSNBC."

The entire time, Alan Greenspan's wife and MSNBC anchor Andrea Mitchell is telling the viewers what they're seeing at home, and not once does she say, "WHOA HEY, maybe we don't want to put people's personal information on the television, especially less than 48 hours after The Daily Beast fucked the goat and possibly endangered the lives of an entire innocent family!" No, she just says it's "extraordinary" how the landlord let all these reporters in to rifle through all these people's shit.

Extraordinary!

Here's Anderson Cooper talking on CNN about how you know maybe this is kind of weird that reporters are doing this. YA THINK?

COOPER: I personally kind of thought, this is one of the stranger things I've certainly seen in quite a while and kind of uncomfortable with all these people traipsing through this owner's apartment...

THE FUCK YOU SAY! Cooper goes on to say that, well, if the landlord let the reporters in, he guesses it's OK. For the record, the landlord says he did not "let them in," but that they barged in like rabid, sexually aroused rats.

CNN and Fox News also reported live from the apartment, because if MSNBC gets to do it, everybody should get to do it, we guess. Tiny credit to CNN and Fox for not DOXXING THE SUSPECT'S MOTHER. You get two tiny Journalist Jellybeans and a bored handjob as prizes for not being quite as gratuitous as MSNBC.

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Now to be clear, the FBI had already cleared the scene, sealed up the house and left, according to Los Angeles FBI Assistant Director In Charge David Bowdich, who spoke in a presser Friday afternoon:

Last night, we executed a search warrant on that apartment, and last night we turned that over, back to the residents. Once the residents have the apartment and we're not in it anymore, we don't control it. We did leave a list of items seized, that I know some people have, and they're asking why do we give that. We have to give that out by law. We leave, any time we execute a lawful search warrant, we have to leave for the residents a list that lists all the items seized during  that search warrant.

We actually shouldn't have to clear that up, because it's pretty effing obvious the FBI wouldn't be all, "Sure, news dudes and ladydudes, come on in! We're cookin' up a few pots of Terror Rice while we sweep the place, in case anybody's hungry!" So these journalists weren't interfering with an investigation. But they were acting like prematurely ejaculating poodle cocks.

Guys? Can we show a little restraint here? Could you all possibly settle your puppy lipsticks down and let the authorities do their jobs? Everybody wants to know what happened in San Bernardino on Wednesday. EVERYBODY. But FBI Assistant Director Bowdich asked the people of America in his presser not to "let this cause mass hysteria," because "we're not there." That's a tall order for many Americans, but the media SHOULD act a little more responsibly. At least you'd think so.

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After the absolutely absurd display by MUCH of the media Wednesday -- for example, Fox News being unable to confirm that it is unable to confirm that just maybe the goddamned president of Turkey might have been the second shooter, or maybe the ninth, who can say, but maybe we should ask a girl trapped in a closet what she thinks -- one would think there should be a lot of closed door meetings going on in America's various newsrooms about How To Suck Less. ONE WOULD THINK.

But we guess not. But you could! But you won't. OR WILL YOU? Nah, probably not. (Please?)

[The Atlantic / The Daily Beast / Crooks & Liars / @RedSteeze on the Twitters]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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