Mubarak Rumored To Be In Extremely Convenient Coma

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  • Uh? Hosni Mubarak allegedly collapsed after his last public address and then fell into a magic coma! And now he'll have to be airlifted to a special not-in-Egypt "coma treatment" center, amiright? And the $70 billion that Mubarak fleeced from the Egyptian people will also have an enormous coma and then disappear forever. Haha, Mubarak is probably already drinking Veuve Clicquot and counting his money at his secret underground whorehouse on the dark side of the Moon -- just laughing and laughing. Oh, this makes us very grumpy. (Why can't we have a secret moon brothel?) [Al Arabiya via Business Insider]
  • Barack Obama will award the Medal of Freedom to George H. W. Bush, obviously. [CNN]


  • An Italian judge has ordered nasty salami stick Silvio Berlusconi to stand trial on charges he paid for sexytime with a 17-year-old girl and then tried to cover it up. [NYT]

  • Here is today's Bonus headline: "UPDATE: Police Suspect Silicone Clogged Lung in Butt Injection Death." [Fox News]

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