Muscle Reagan Will Watch Over Staten Island


Sun's out guns out, Staten Island! Behold Saint Ronald of the Rippling Biceps, Vanquisher of Russia and Crusher of Pull-Up Sets, conveniently located next to A Vape Lounge, where all the cool kids are vaping right now and you're not even invited.

So this is a mural, and it's made by a man named Scott LoBaido, who really goes all-in on the AMERICA LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT thing. Here is a [sic]'d word slurry from Scott LoBaido's website about his very favorite art he ever drawed:

His greatest creative accomplishment thus far was “Flags across America” where he drove across the United States, in 10 months, and painted a large American flag on one rooftop in each of the 50 states. His goal was to ensure that all soldiers flying home from war would look down and see an American Flag greeting them home … Scott’s mission was to make sure that the soldiers knew how grateful we all are for their service to this great country, and to acknowledge the families of these great men and women, and of coarse express his pride in being a free American.

And if you're thinking, "Phew, I am not a trashy Staten Islander; this stuff might as well be in Montana," THINK AGAIN, because Muscle Reagan is going to liberate Queens Boulevard soon.

The giant Reagan will remain on Staten Island for a week, then LoBaido plans to hang up the mural in various spots around the city. The next spot for Reagan will be Queens Boulevard, LoBaido said.

Now, let us trust but verify: Scott LoBaido believes Dead But Obviously In Heaven Reagan has really packed on the muscle mass. Does Ghost Reagan use the steroids? We are not sure. Perhaps Reagan's combination of mass and definition is indeed the result of hard work at the gym and a life devoted to baked chicken and steamed broccoli. Perhaps they are the result of artistic license maybe, but would artistic license not also be a troubling sign of liberalism, which is a well-known brain disease? Seems fishy, "Scott."

Also, this:

The artist made the digital collage using one of his flag paintings and added cut-and-paste images of the former president on top.

Ha ha, Scott LoBaido cannot even draw Ronald Reagan's face from memory! Here, Scott, this is what Ronald Reagan looked like before you glued his head onto the body of a bouncer from some bar near Rockaway:

The Ghost of Conservatism Yet to Come has also revealed to us that Reagan got ink'd up in Heaven. He's got a sweet tat of an anchor and the words, "The Gipper," because that is who he was once, in a movie, and while the movie has nothing to do with the sea or boats or anchors, still, cool anchor! Muscle Reagan does not have a tattoo related to trading missiles for hostages and using the proceeds to fund Latin American death squads, which LoBaido describes as "some baggage" that, he insists, "all presidents" have.

We look forward to LoBaido's slimmer, trimmer version of Republican dream boat William Howard Taft.


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Image: Dana Rohrabacher's office

The Associated Press finally called the race in California's 48th Congressional District late Saturday for Democratic challenger Harley Rouda, bringing an end to nearly 30 years in Congress for US Rep. Dana Rohrabacher. Over the years, Rohrabacher had represented not only his super-conservative Orange County district, but also the Taliban and Russia, and as his district has become more liberal -- or at least less frothingly rightwing John Birch Society-esque -- it was probably only a matter of time until his seat went blue. Rohrabacher's enthusiastic defenses of Donald Trump and of Vladimir Putin only hastened the swing this year. Too bad, so sad!

Let us bid a fond but not drawn out farewell to one of Congress's more spectacular idiots while we hope he's joined by many others, soon.

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HOLY WEEKEND NEWS DUMPS! While Donald Trump was across the ocean getting dunked on by Emmanuel Macron and skipping ceremonies for war heroes because he was scared his shithole hair would get messed up, journalists kept digging into the life and times of Trump's fake acting attorney general Matthew Whitaker, and DAMN. All's we know is that the Deep State must fuckin' HAAAAAAAAATE that guy, whose appointment was probably completely illegal and unconstitutional in the first place so why are we even talking about this.

We already knew bits and pieces about Matt Whitaker's scammy scummy fraud-y old gig, on the advisory board of a scammy scummy fraud-y company called World Patent Marketing, that did some MILD FRAUDS. When customers got mad, Whitaker would write them mean threatening letters. (You should read about how they "scammed US military veterans out of their life savings," as The Guardian puts it. Happy Veterans Day!)

What we didn't know -- and what one of the victims and also some other unknown people (deep state!) were more than happy to tell the Wall Street Journal -- is that FUCKIN' COMPANY IS UNDER FBI INVESTIGATION. And Whitaker was on the advisory board! And he made videos for the company! And he sent those mean threatening letters! What we're saying is that Whitaker is in deep.

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