Nation Cheers As NASA Shuttle Doesn't Explode
The space agency best known for crazy diaper-wearing vengeance-killing astronauts, crazy drunken astronauts and a fleet of crippled old space vehicles likely to explode upon takeoff or landing has beaten the odds today and actually brought a broken space shuttle home without being destroyed in the process.
Miraculously, the crew of NASA's Endeavour all survived the ordeal, although many are rumored to be both drunk and wearing diapers.
The shuttle landed in Florida a few minutes ago, having been called home to Earth early because a new terrible danger -- the hurricane churning in the Gulf of Mexico -- outweighed the previous danger (big holes in the bottom of the shuttle).
Space experts applauded the mission, which as usual consisted of nothing more than sending the thing up into low Earth orbit, desperately trying to fix it during a number of frantic "spacewalks," and praying to whatever nearby space god to please let the thing land again without blowing up another teacher.
Earlier generations of Americans actually traveled to the Moon and had ambitious plans to colonize distant planets.