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National Journal Would Like You Ron Paul Fanatics To Knock It Off

We have nothing against Brave Ron Paul. In fact, we endorsed him about six months ago because he promised to destroy Washington.


But the Ron Paul geeks are ... well, they are always so angry because flooding online polls doesn't actually translate to real polls of 70-year-old Republican primary voters in Iowa and New Hampshire who will actually choose a candidate who will say "conservative" things while promising them more Social Security, Medicare benefits, and ethanol/cranberry subsidies. Look, we were sad when we found out "democracy" was all bullshit, too, but we were seven years old at the time, and we've since had a few decades to "get over it" and "become alcoholics."

Some Ron Paul geeks got very angry about our fun trick last night -- we put Ron Paul on our "Choose the Debate Winner" poll and watched as someone quickly voted for Ron Paul 5,000 times, obviously putting him in First Place, and then we changed his name to "The Mickey Mouse from HAMAS-TV," so that we'd have a real winner. And then the Ron Paul geeks got on their Linux or whatever and HAX0RD the DoS or something, so now the poll won't load -- either that or shit's just broken on our servers, like always.

White House Rankings: The Republicans [National Journal]

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Is there ANY good news for the bumblefucking Trump re-election campaign these days? Their polling numbers are in the shitter, therefore Trump is firing the pollsters. Trump's Hitler rally kickoff event in Florida last night was ... whatever it was. Oh, and did we mention that they ain't got no money? Like, of course, not counting whatever Russian money they're not telling us about.

Don Jr. recently called a prominent donor and warned that Trump's money haul is falling behind where Barack Obama was early in his reelection, while Jared Kushner has privately complained to RNC chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel that Trump's war chest is not as big as it should be at this point in the cycle.

Whiiiiiiiiiine. Guess they're gonna have to see if they can launder some rubles somewhere, ALLEGEDLY.

Gabe Sherman has some more bad news about Trump's shithole campaign, and it is that Robert and Rebekah Mercer, the father-daughter billionaire duo who bankrolled much of Trump's "victory" in 2016 -- including funding Breitbart, and also the part of the "victory" that comprised Cambridge Analytica, the data company they owned that may have done some real hinky stuff, possibly with Russia, in order to get Trump "elected" -- have zipped up their checkbooks and decided Trump can go eat dicks for all they care.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

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