Donate
News

Donald Trump Lies He Was Gonna Host G-7 At Miami Trash Palace For FREEEEEE

DAMN YOU. GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

Donald Trump's brilliant plan to hold the 2020 Group of 7 summit at his Miami trash palace survived just a bit over 48 hours before he took to Twitter Saturday night and said he was dropping it -- not because there's anything wrong with a "president" steering hundreds of millions of dollars of business to his own resort, but because his enemies are irrational monsters who don't appreciate what a great deal he was offering America. Oh, yeah, and because even Donald Trump was able to dimly understand Republicans weren't willing to defend him on this one. (Acting) Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney hadn't made matters any better by pairing the announcement of Doral as the venue with an admission of criming in Ukraine, either.

Here's the tweet; we like how even as he announces the G-7 will be held elsewhere, President StableGenius tries to promote his resort, because it's perfect, perfect you fools!

YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! AHHH, DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Keep reading... Show less
Healthcare

Big Pharma Paid 700 Doctors Over A Million Bucks Each. Tell Us Again How Single-Payer Is Too Pricey?

None dare call it legalized bribery. OK, plenty do.

One of the quiet scandals of US America's for-profit healthcare "system" is the routine bribery of doctors by pharmaceutical companies. We're not talking the free pens and notepads with drug logos, but generous funding for travel, "consulting," and speaking fees to "educate" other doctors at conferences. A new ProPublica report found that the amount of money the industry pays to doctors hasn't changed, despite efforts to call attention to the potential conflicts of interest. And some doctors are really making out like bandits, while prescription drug prices continue to go through the roof.

That's not a mixed metaphor, that's American healthcare today: a bandit house with holes in the roof.

Keep reading... Show less
Impeachment

Torture Cheerleader John Yoo Is Back To Lie About The Constitution

He's claiming the Founders did not believe in impeachment, which they did.

Oh goodie. The torture guy has more wisdom to share with us.

War criminal John Yoo, George W. Bush's favorite waterboarding lawyer, is back to lecture us on the Constitution. Because irony, like God, is dead.

Yoo, who once argued that the president could massacre entire villages and crush children's testicles if he wanted to, is back on the scene. But instead of torturing Muslims, this time he's here to torture American history.

So that's on-brand.

Keep reading... Show less
Russia

Hillary Clinton Said True Thing About Tulsi Gabbard, Everybody Sh*t Your Pants!

Nothing about this is incorrect or remotely controversial.

Well! Well well well! Hillary Clinton dared to speak in public again, where the fuck does she get off, hasn't she heard that some people on Twitter have determined that she is no longer allowed to do that, HAAAARRRRRUMPH GRRR ARGH? It's not like she was the Democratic Party's presidential nominee in 2016 and won the popular vote by almost three million, only "losing" the Electoral College because of a bizarre fluke-y confluence of events involving an FBI director gone rogue and a "sweeping and systematic" attack on our election by Russia, as Republican former FBI director/special counsel Robert Mueller put it in his report, to hurt her candidacy and (successfully) install the Kremlin's chosen asset, Donald Trump, in the American presidency.

God, what a horrible bitch Hillary Clinton is, for TALKING LIKE A COMMON PERSON WHO TALKS, UGGGGGGGH GO AWAY.

Some people are doing their best impression of Kyle's mom on "South Park" saying "WHAwhaWHATTTTTTT?!" because Clinton did a podcast and said a couple of very obviously true things about the Democratic primary, and Tulsi Gabbard in particular. If you are one of those people who thinks it's fashionable to lose your shit every time Hillary Clinton deigns to share her thoughts, you're gonna want to get your inhaler real quick:

Keep reading... Show less
Media/Entertainment

Mark Zuckerberg: Facebook Is The Frederick Douglass Of Martin Luther Kings

Lies and racism are fine as long as you sign your real name.

At Georgetown University yesterday, Facebook bossman Mark Zuckerberg gave a great big speech about free speech to explain why he won't do anything about false political ads, even when they included demonstrable lies, not just shadings of opinion. He was a regular John Stuart Mill on digital media's great power to let the people be heard, and insisted that the beauty of Free Speech is that it brought us the Civil Rights Movement, not to mention all the anime porn you can download. And he didn't say anything new at all, except that it was coming from the guy whose company's mistakes involving what reaches readers can be a matter of life and death, like when Facebook literally helped spread genocidal messaging in Burma. But he's very sorry about that, and has installed a patch that should reduce genocides quite a bit.

There really wasn't anything all that new in his argument: The best answer to offensive speech is more speech, and the marketplace of ideas will make sure the truth is known, and please never mind that those with the most money can extend their speech farther and louder while Facebook makes huge profits.

Zuck certainly sparked some negative engagement, however, when he suggested Facebook somehow embodies the ideals of civil rights heroes, who were fighting for the right to be treated as full human beings under the law, not for the beauty of unregulated expression.

Keep reading... Show less
Impeachment

SEAL Commander Who Killed Bin Laden Just Saying The Republic Is Under Attack, From Donald Trump

IMPEACH THE MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY.

Admiral William McRaven, who commanded the SEAL team that killed Osama bin Laden, has not been shy about criticizing Donald Trump when he sees fit. This sets him apart from, say, former Defense secretary Jim Mattis, who did the Al Smith dinner last night and LARFED LIKE A CLOWN at Trump calling him overrated, saying he guesses he is the "Meryl Streep of generals," hahahahahaha funny joke, Jim Mattis, MAYBE YOU SHOULD FUCKING SPEAK OUT RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

Last time we visited Bill McRaven, he was all up in the newspaper when Trump was threatening to take security clearances from former CIA director John Brennan and others, saying if you're going to rip the security clearance from those patriots, please take his too, sir, as it would be a motherfucking honor coming from a shithole president such as Trump. (Not his exact words.)

Unsurprisingly, McRaven is back this week with a blistering op-ed (yes, it's blistering!) in the New York Times, which explicitly says America is under attack from within, by our criminal president Donald Trump. He's just saying. The decorated admiral who led the SEAL team that killed Bin Laden. Says America is under attack. And that the invading power is Donald Trump.

Keep reading... Show less
Ukraine

Who You Gonna Believe? Mick Mulvaney Or That Dumb Liar Mick Mulvaney?

Call us crazy, but we believe Mick Mulvaney.

Good news, everyone, the crimes you thought happened at the White House did not actually happen at the White House, because (acting) White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney has released a statement to say Donald Trump did not commit the crimes Mick Mulvaney admitted Trump committed on live TV several hours before this statement right here, which is the truth.

Keep reading... Show less
Everywhere Else News

President Goodbrain Brings Peace To Northern Syria, Eternal Shame On USA

Turkey 'had to have it cleaned out,' says sociopath/world leader.

Mike Pence and Mike Pompeo proudly announced Thursday, at the US Embassy in Ankara, that they had convinced Turkey to agree to a ceasefire in northern Syria today, and all they had to do was agree to everything Turkey wanted: the removal of all Kurdish forces within 20 miles of the entire Syria-Turkey border. Turkey has agreed to halt military action in the so-called "safe zone" for five days, and if all the Kurdish fighters have withdrawn, Turkey will permanently call its Orwellian "Operation Peace Spring" over. (It was an operation, but involved neither peace, nor Spring.)

As for the Kurds, they're fucked. The former US allies who did the bulk of the fighting to bring down the ISIS "caliphate" in Syria, at the cost of 10,000 Kurdish lives, have to get the hell out. Oh, and Trump has some lovely parting gifts for Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan:

[The] agreement essentially gives the Turks what they had sought to achieve with their military operation in the first place. After the Kurdish forces are cleared from the safe zone, Turkey has committed to a permanent cease-fire but is under no obligation to withdraw its troops. In addition, the deal gives Turkey relief from sanctions the administration had imposed and threatened to impose since the invasion began, meaning there will be no penalty for the operation. [emphasis added -- Dok]

Also, a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat®. Thanks for playing! And Donald Trump, having halted the invasion he gave Turkey the OK to start, will now sit back and wait for the Nobel committee to send him that Peace Prize Obama stole from him.

Keep reading... Show less
Ukraine

Mick Mulvaney: Trump Committed Ukraine Crimes, It Was Awesome, GET OVER IT!

Did Mick Mulvaney think he was talking to his priest just now?

Hooray, we've reached the stage of Donald Trump's impeachment where they just go on TV and say, "Yeah, Trump did the crimes! Crimes are THE BEST! We're taking a blubbering shit on the Constitution and selling America's national security out to our enemies in order to satisfy the whims of the world's stupidest authoritarian leader, and that is a thing we are PROUD OF!"

The messenger today was White House (acting) Chief of Staff/fluffer Mick Mulvaney, and his message was FUCK YEAH BUDDY! CRIME IS COOL! GET OVER IT.

Specifically he admitted that part of why they were extorting Ukraine and withholding aid is because they wanted Ukraine to investigate the syphilis hallucinations Trump and Rudy Giuliani are experiencing about what really happened in 2016, including Trump's bizarre belief that the Russians didn't hack the DNC, Seth Rich stole those emails and framed the Russians for the hacking, and that after a series of exciting and batshit twists and turns, that server was smuggled away from the FBI and is now buried in a rich guy's backyard in Ukraine.

Or whatever the fuck it is.

Keep reading... Show less
News

Welcome, G-7 Leaders, To Trump Miami Trash Palace, Ass-Grabs And Bedbugs For Free!

It puts the emoluments on its skin and rolls around in them.

The White House announced today that the Trump administration has decided, after extensive analysis of all the available data, to hold the next Group of Seven summit at Donald Trump's Trump National Doral golf resort in Miami, because that's obviously the best place for it that will result in a big payday for the "president" of the United States.

The decision was announced by (acting) Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, who apparently won a competition for who could say with the straightest face there was no conflict of interest. Why Doral? Well obviously it's simply the best choice, for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with Donald Trump owning the place. No, you see, the team used the same criteria for selecting a site that other administrations have, and by complete coincidence, chose Trump's Bedbug Palace.

Sort of makes you wonder, if the criteria were the same, why no previous administration had chanced on Trump Doral. They probably all realized it was perfect, but then went elsewhere because they were JEALOUS of what a great location it is. Fox News should probably demand an investigation into why Barack Obama, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton all discriminated against the Trump Organization like that. Even though Trump has only owned it since 2012.

Keep reading... Show less
Impeachment

Adam Schiff To Whiny Republicans: CALM YOUR F*CKING BALLS

Schiff would like explain a few things about the impeachment process Republicans won't stop bitching and moaning about.

Have you read Five Dollar Feminist's report today on how the GOP is just so mad and angry and blowing a fuse about Adam Schiff's closed door impeachment hearings? Lordy Jesus, those wingnut congressmen tried to storm congressional hearings they weren't invited to yesterday like they had just landed at Normandy and, seeing that the Kurds hadn't shown up to help, realized they'd have to do all the storming on their own.

Anyway, if you haven't, you need to read that one, because this post is about House Intelligence Committee Chair/impeachment czar Adam Schiff's Wednesday letter to all his House colleagues, which says CALM YOUR FUCKING DUMB OLD BALLS AND SHUT YOUR SHITMOUTHS, I AM THE BOSS OF YOU AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!

OK, maybe it doesn't exactly say that. (Hey Schiff, how does it feel to have somebody do Treason Paraphrases to YOUR words? Oh, it feels OK and it's pretty funny and you love Wonkette so much? We'll carry on then.)

Schiff, pretending his GOP colleagues have true and legitimate objections to how Democrats are conducting the impeachment inquiry, sent the letter to clarify a few things, and he makes a couple of interesting arguments. We already knew that part of the reason things are behind closed doors for now is because they don't want witnesses comparing notes on what they're going to tell Congress, in order to keep their stories straight.

But Schiff makes a point we hadn't thought of before, about past impeachments, which is pertinent because of how Republicans won't stop bellyaching about PRECEDENT! and PROCESS! and RIGGED! Namely, he notes that in past impeachments, the House hasn't had to do the full damn investigation by itself, but rather has been handed impeachment road maps and special counsel reports. In this case, Trump's low-rent Roy Cohn at Justice, Bill Barr, specifically declined to investigate the criminal referrals it received on Trump's crimes with Ukraine, which means the House has to do everything itself. Therefore closed door interviews are the order of the day. For now.

SO STFU, DICKS.

Keep reading... Show less
Journamalism

When It Comes To Bernie Sanders, America's Fact-Checkers Suddenly A Bunch Of Existentialists

You guys can live without luxuries like 'civilization,' can't you?

The fact checkers at the Associated Press, Washington Post, and FactCheck Dot Org, apparently driven mad by the stress of all Donald Trump's lies, turned both sides of their attention Wednesday to Tuesday's Democratic debate, and they did find some actual errors and exaggerations: Julián Castro flubbed some unemployment data, Tom Steyer got wage growth wrong, and Joe Biden said "Syria," not Turkey, had fired on withdrawing US troops. And in an unusual error, Kamala Harris actually understated the number of assault weapons in circulation in the USA -- she said it was five million, but the gun industry estimates it's 16 million.

But they also indulged in some hellacious nitpicking in their zeal to show that Democrats are somehow just as slippery as Republicans -- and as usual, it was a perfectly true and reasonable statement by Bernie Sanders that got them itching. Let's get our fine-toothed steel comb out and pick those nits right back! (Ew.)

Keep reading... Show less
News

Nancy Pelosi Blesses Trump's Heart, As His Brain Is Unavailable For Blessing

Thoughts 'n' prayers for the president, y'all.

Nancy Pelosi is probably taking a break from praying for Donald Trump's brain at the moment, while she instead prays about something that matters, namely the death of Elijah Cummings and the family and legacy he left behind. But at some point, we assume she's going to have to go back to praying for Donald Trump's brain, after the full-body temper tantrum and mental breakdown he had in her presence in the White House yesterday. It's pictured above.

She always prays for Donald Trump, and we are pretty sure she blesses his heart, and it is a wonder that woman represents San Francisco, because she prays for people and blesses their hearts like she was from Atlanta.

The meeting was supposed to be about Syria. Instead, Pelosi and Steny Hoyer came out of the White House to regretfully inform the American people that the president is expressing his anal glands again.

Keep reading... Show less
Congress

Elijah Cummings, 1951-2019: The Gentleman Yields

A legislative badass to the end.

Congressman Elijah Cummings, who brooked no nonsense from Republicans from Darrell Issa to Donald Trump, died this morning in Baltimore due to "complications concerning longstanding health challenges," according to his office. Cummings was the chair of the House Oversight and Reform Committee, one of the committees at the center of the impeachment inquiry. He had been in poor health for quite a while, and hadn't attended any roll-call votes in the House since September 11. Famous for his passionate speeches, moral outrage at injustice, and all-around decency, Cummings was also Yr Wonkette's Legislative Badass of the Year twice, in 2013 and 2016. With Dems in the minority from 2011 to 2019, Cummings spent far more time as the ranking member on committees than as chair, but he never let the Republican majority get away with their rank bullshit.

Keep reading... Show less
2020 Congressional Elections

Oh Sad, Looks Like Susan Collins Gonna Get Impeached (By Voters)

Poor sad Susan!

Susan Collins sold her soul to Donald Trump and instead of shiny pieces of silver, all she got in return were sinking poll numbers and a primary challenge. According to the latest results from Public Policy Polling, Collins is less popular in Maine than the letter "R." Only 35 percent of voters approve of her job performance, and 50 percent prefer she defend accused sex offenders on her own time. She's gone from leading a generic Democrat by six points in September to losing to a generic Democrat by three points. That's troubling because A Generic Democrat is a fairly nondescript candidate.

Suzy Creamcheese's usual campaign strategy is to keep her head down, pose as a "moderate," and get re-elected to do whatever Mitch McConnell tells her. But the House impeachment inquiry against Trump makes this difficult. Fifty-three percent of Mainers support impeachment. Hillary Clinton carried the state in 2016, and Collins needs crossover support to survive. After her vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh, Collins was losing Clinton voters 76 - 12. If Collins opposes impeachment, those numbers drop to an even more hilarious 83 - 8, and A Generic Democrat whoops her 47 - 40.

Keep reading... Show less
lawsplainer

If Trump Didn't Know He Committed A Crime ... LOL Sorry, We Tried To Get All The Way Through That Thought

Senator John Kennedy, do you need a LAWSPLAINING?

It looks like the people who write our laws need someone to explain the law to them again.

On Tuesday, Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana -- yes, the same John Kennedy whom Chuck Todd recently told to pull his head out of his ass -- told BuzzFeed reporter Paul McLeod that Trump trying to extort foreign leaders into digging up dirt on his political rivals was totally fine if Trump really did believe the weird QAnon conspiracy theories about Biden and Ukraine and something about Hillary's emails. Because MENS REA!


Today is a proud day for the University of Virginia School of Law, where Kennedy received his JD. And Oxford University, where he got a Bachelor of Civil Law. And the Chaffe McCall law firm, where he was a partner. And Louisiana State University's Paul M. Hebert Law Center, where he used to be an adjunct professor.

Come on, John. You know better than this.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc