White House

Trump Regime's Newest Power-Player Allowed To Eat Pizza Whenever He Wants, Doesn't Even Have Curfew

What's he doing Friday night? Slow dancing with girls.

Y'all remember Hot Johnny, yeah? John McEntee used to be Donald Trump's "body man" at the White House, until one day in 2018 when he got ass-walked off the premises because he was being investigated for Serious Financial Crimes, couldn't get a clearance, or apparently even pass a background check. Turns out it was gambling problems of some sort, but the point is we named him Hot Johnny because in Trump's sea of unfuckable deplorables -- see: Stephen Miller -- he had a pretty face.

Johnny (everybody calls him Johnny) got shuffled off to the Trump campaign, and then recently came back to the White House to lead the Presidential Personnel Office, where he has been masterminding The Purge of Trump White House officials deemed insufficiently loyal to America the regime. This is probably good for White House morale, because reportedly everybody just loved Hot Johnny, he made them feel good, and he was also Johnny With The Good-Natured Practical Jokes. Sometimes he even wrote people fake notes and said they were from Donald Trump, hahahahahahahahahahahaha Hot Johnny, just fucking shut up and take your pants off.

Hey look, it's Hot Johnny:

ANYWAY, Politico reports that Trump's fresh-faced fascist purge boy has made a new hire of his own, to be his right-hand man, and it is ... some college guy! Is it Hot Johnny's college boyfriend? Who can say! Point is, Hot Johnny's (Allegedly!) College Boyfriend is 23, his names is James Bacon, he goes to George Washington University, and he is allowed to have pizza whenever he wants and stay out past curfew, HAHA JUST KIDDING, JIMBO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CURFEW, on account of how he is a grown-up man now, with body hair on his Down Theres and everything!

Keep reading...
2020 democratic primary

Chris Matthews Thinks Mike Bloomberg Too Busy Chopping Down Cherry Trees To Lie About Mistreating Women

Why is Chris Matthews still on our TV?

Political pundits might've forgotten Elizabeth Warren is running for president, but she still showed up at last night's Democratic debate in South Carolina. That wasn't good news for Mike Bloomberg. During the throwdown in Charleston, Warren mentioned how she'd lost a teaching job almost 50 years ago because she was pregnant. She tied this injustice to her favorite new punching bag.

WARREN: At least I didn't have a boss who said to me, "Kill it," the way that Mayor Bloomberg alleged to have said to one of his pregnant employees.

Bloomberg denied on national television having ever said this, which might've been a trap Warren set for him.

The Massachusetts senator later sat down for a migraine-inducing, post-debate interview on MSNBC with Chris Matthews, who was shocked Warren would believe a "former New York City mayor" would say something so dehumanizing and misogynistic. Warren reiterated that she believed the woman who stated as much under oath.

Keep reading...
State/Local Politics

No Lawmakin' Today, Oregon Republicans Are HIDING! Yes, Again.

Reruns from last summer already?

Monday, faced with a bill that would cap and trade carbon emissions in the state, all but one of the dozen Republicans in the Oregon state Senate skipped out of the state to prevent a vote, bringing this year's legislative session to a dead stop. It's a repeat of a tactic the Senate GOP pulled twice last year to deny a quorum for a vote. Yesterday, for shits and giggles, the Republicans in the state House skipped out too. Democrats hold supermajorities in both houses, but for a quorum, the rules require two thirds of members to be present. The Dems are just short of that, needing two Republicans in each house to show up to get anything done.

So far, there haven't been any armed militia loons insisting they want to help "protect" the wayward lawmakers. It's early, yet; no telling whether any of the missing Republicans are itching for an armed standoff for the sake of precious, precious fossil fuels.

Senate President Peter Courtney, a Democrat, hasn't yet asked Gov. Kate Brown to send the state police out to round up the missing Republicans, which was what prompted last June's threats from militia groups to shoot some cops in defense of absenteeism. Without a request from the Senate, the governor can't sic the cops on the AWOL senators. Not that it did any good -- the Rs all headed to Washington and Idaho anyway, as they probably have this year too.

Here's the exciting non-action from the Senate's roll call Monday.

Courtney says he's been talking daily with the Senate Republican leader, Herman Baertschiger Jr., and that Baertschiger "did leave the door open that maybe they'd come back," although it's possible the Rs will only return if the Senate agrees to put the cap and trade bill to voters as a referendum, which would give big industrial interests the chance to spend it to death.

Keep reading...
2020 democratic primary

Liveblogging 'Entertainment Tonight' Or The Democratic Debate Or Whatever Is On CBS Right Now

Our TV is definitely showing 'Entertainment Tonight.' Would rather watch 'Wheel' TBH.

Oh hi, have you voted in your state in the Democratic Primary? WE DID. We live in a Super Tuesday state, and we ... are talking to you from the future! Or we have early voting.

Anyway, we voted for one of them (it was Tulsi) and we don't want to tell you it (Tulsi) but you get one clue (definitely Tulsi) and it is that it is a person you are going to see on your TV screen tonight, because they qualified for the Democratic debate in Charleston.

UH OH TRICKED YOU, guess it ain't Tulsi.

Let's liveblog!

And whaaaaaaat is this? CBS News actually decided to make a YOUTUBE LIVESTREAM of its debate, so you can watch it right here at Wonkette?

Let's go!

8:00: Oh shit, it's starting! Fuck! Gayle King is there! But not Oprah! Because Oprah doesn't even have a job at CBS!

8:04: First question: Bernie, you are a socialist or something. How is that better than a lliteral actual big pig racist dictator?

Bernie says "economy" is great for Michael Bloomberg over there with the billions of moneys.

Michael Bloomberg says Putin wants Trump and that's why Putin is supporting Bernie so Bernie will lose to Trump and Bernie like OH NO YOU DI'INT, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I WILL TELL VLADIMIR PUTIN HIS BUSINESS RIGHT NOW, FUCK PUTIN RIGHT IN HIS FACE.

Elizabeth Warren responds by saying Bernie is super great, but also Bernie sux and lemme tell you why I am better than Bernie, I HAVE A PLAN FOR HEALTHCARE, BERNIE'S MEDICARE FOR ALL IS A POST-IT!

8:08: PETE: Know what Russia wants? Chaos. Know what would be chaos? Bernie vs. Trump.

Tom Steyer cuts in to say ... meh, we don't fuckin' know, don't care.

Tom Steyer Actual Quote: "Donald Trump stinks!"

No, really.

Now Joe Biden is talking about the true meaning of "progressive" and the horrific Charleston shooting and using it to attack Bernie on guns.

Well, this debate has certainly begun!


8:13: Pete like OH YOU WANNA LIE ABOUT ME, BERNIE? Well lemme tell you something about my "billionaire supporters," hello, I am Pette Buttigieg, and if you are worth billions, I am going to raise your taxes. Also please donate to my campaign, but just the legal amount please.

Then Joe Biden got a question but our dinner got delivered and we had to go outside and we probably didn't miss much and now we wish we were still outside because Michael Bloomberg is talking.

8:16: BLOOMBERG: Stop and frisk was bad, I did it bad.

GAYLE KING: Attack him, Pete.

PETE: Oh hi, look at how all of us up here are white, lemme tell you we have all fucked it up.

BLOOMBERG: I have heard of white privilege before!

AMY KLOBUCHAR: All y'all fuckin' racists, hold on, let me throw my salad comb upon you.

8:18: GAYLE KING: Elizabeth Warren, you should do that thing to Michael Bloomberg that you did in Vegas, it was the best.

WARREN: Murderrrrrrrrr tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime! Hey y'all hear about that one time that Michael Bloomberg was funding my Republican opponent and I beat them shit out of them anyway?

Bloomberg says he has been doing job training for this job since 9/11. Which ... OK no.

8:21: WARREN: Oh, Michael Bloomberg is going to call my VERY GOOD COMMENTS a "sideshow"? Let us talk about sexism. Remember that time Michael Bloomberg told a pregnant employee to "kill it," and by that he meant 'bortion? I was a victim of pregnancy discrimination, but at least nobody ever said that to me!

Warren came to fight again!

8:25: NORAH O'DONNELL: Bernie, you got any math for all your big ice cream pony promises?


O'DONNELL: We have two hours.

BIDEN: I want to talk for some of that.

KLOBUCHAR: Bernie ain't got no math.

8:27: TOM STEYER: My turn!

BERNIE: Not your turn!

PETE: Not your turn! We don't need two hours to do Bernie's math! My turn!

BERNIE: No my turn!

Wonder how Tulsi's imaginary debate with Hillary is going right now.

8:30: PETE: I can do Bernie's math, it is BERNIE + ELECTION = FOUR MORE YEARS OF DONALD TRUMP.

Pete is now talking about the importance of actually winning the Senate too, if ANYBODY up there wants to get anything done. It honestly sticks in our craw that he is pretty much the only one in the race who absolutely harps on that.

Joe Biden cuts in, because it is unfair that everybody else is an Interrupting Cow right now :(

8:32: Biden and Tom Steyer are fighting about Steyer's support for private prisons, and Steyer says he's fixed all his problems and Biden says Steyer is a TOMMY COME LATELY!

Also says Pete's thing about all the Democrats who took back the House would be cooler if they were supporting Pete for president, guess what they support JOE BIDEN.

Amy Klobuchar says it's time for peace, love, understanding, and for all the socialists on the stage to fuckin' SHUT YOUR TRAP!

8:35: Bloomberg says something about how deficits are THE PITS, and Bernie says hey Bloomberg, why don't you go take a bath with all your billionaire supporters in a golden bathtub, BILLIONAIRE!

8:42: Back from break. The next subject is GUNS, and Gayle King wants to know why anyone should think Joe Biden can do anything about guns. Biden says he can fix guns because he already fixed guns a whole buncha times. Anyway, he'd like to attack Bernie on guns some more, because maybe he forgot he already did that.

8:44: Oh good, Warren moves the conversation around to abolishing the filibuster, because ain't none of this shit gonna get done in the Senate unless we get over it and stop giving the NRA and the oil industry a veto. Joe Biden says DON'T MATTER, GONNA BEAT MITCH MCCONNELL TOO! Which ... there is no math that says Dems could win a filibuster-proof majority.

Anyway, Bernie gonna tell y'all about his bad votes and why they weren't actually that bad, and now EVERYYYYYYBODY IS INTERRUPTING AGAIN.

Michael Bloomberg is like actually this is my one good issue, let me talk about all my serious-ass work with Moms Demand Action and stuff like that.

Amy Klobuchar says this is why you have to have a midwesterner as president, because reasons, Amy Klobuchar says she wrote a bill to close the "boyfriend loophole," she wrote a bill to close the "Charleston loophole," Joe Biden says I WROTE THAT BILL! Amy K says NO YOU DIDN'T and anyway, in summary and inconclusion, Amy K says "Uncle Dick in the deer stand," the end.

Pete Buttigieg says, "a MIDWESTERNER in the White House, you say?????"

And on getting rid of the filibuster, Pete says "How you gonna get a Revolution if you don't even support a Rule Change?" (Bernie does not support abolishing the filibuster.)

YIKES, this debate. We cannot even keep up with their foofaraw and hullabaloo!

8:51: Tom Steyer is now yapping about congressional term limits. That is a thing we think HE is wrong about, unless you like having representatives who are bad at Congress because they're always #NewAtThis.

8:52: MODERATOR: Michael Bloomberg, you are in love with charter schools. Literally everybody up here thinks you are A Idiot for that. So we're just going to set them up to bone you right now.

BLOOMBERG: Charter schools are so great!

WARREN: I am going to have more fun getting rid of Betsy DeVos than I have beating Michael Bloomberg upon his face!

BERNIE: I am going to say my whole education platform right now.

PETE: My hubs is a teacher. I know what teachers like. I know what teachers want. I know what teachers like. Teachers like.

Teachers like me.

8:57: Question about housing! Amy Klobuchar says houses are good, and lots of stuff about houses are good. Elizabeth Warren cuts in (TO JOE BIDEN'S CHAGRIN) to say you have to talk about race if you're going to talk about housing, because have you heard Michael Bloomberg loooooooooooves redlining?

Warren seems to have decided she really doesn't care about beating the shit out of anybody besides Bloomberg.

8:59: Was that an attempt at Bloomberg trying to make a joke about how he did so good at the debate last week he's surprised the other "contestants" even showed up tonight, because he was so great?


Anyway, Bloomberg did some gay marriage in New York also, he would like you to know!

9:00: Joe Biden just said "homeboners" when he was trying to say "homeowners."

9:01: BIDEN: If everybody else is going to be Interrupting Cow, I am going to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

9:03: MODERATOR: Amy Klobuchar, how will you get people healthcare if they live in Bumfuck where there is not a hospital?

KLOBUCHAR: Something about incentives and immigration reform and "one size does not fit all," and golly, these candidates finally seem to have settled down for a second.

Buttigieg giving his very normal and nice answer now, just like Klobuchar did.


Bernie says he did a really good thing with South Carolina's Own Jim Clyburn! in the ACA on community health centers, and Pete tried to cut in and Gayle King was like nah, wanna ask Bloomberg about trans fats and soda pop.

9:09: MODERATOR: Amy Klobuchar, Bernie wants to legalize pot weeds. Are you cool like him, or are you a cop?

KLOBS: Yeah I'm down.

9:11: GAYLE KING: I know who's a fuckin' nerd about this. Michael Bloomberg, what say you!

BLOOMBERG: We don't even know the science about pot weeds!

SANDERS: Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

9:20: WARREN: How about some actual foreign policy, not fellating dictators?

BLOOMBERG: 911! 911! 911!

BUTTIGIEG: I'm a veteran, have I mentioned? But seriously, Donald Trump hates the military!

Oh hai! First mention of coronavirus?

9:25: KLOBUCHAR: Hey, America! You get that this coronavirus thing is FOR SERIOUS? And Trump ain't do shit about it?

BIDEN: Remember Ebola? I protected you from Ebola like a double-layer jimmie!

9:29: So we missed a few things because our computer made a weird, but we don't think we missed much besides people actually saying smart things about coronavirus unlike the dumbshit "stable genius" in the Oval Office. Also Joe Biden would like you to know that back in HIS day, people respected the time limits in debates!

Now Warren attacking Bloomberg for not releasing his taxes yet, and she's going to keep attacking for it until he does it.

8:33: Oh yeah, Michael Bloomberg said some really nice things about how the Chinese dictator isn't really a dictator, which led the moderator to ask Bernie why he loves commie dictators so much, and he is like ALL I SAID ABOUT CUBA IS THE SAME THING BARACK OBAMA SAID and I DON'T LOVE DICTATORS, YOU LOVE DICTATORS, and now Joe Biden is saying Barack Obama did not say the thing Bernie says Obama said, and Bernie says AUTHORITARIANS ARE BAD and this is what we are arguing about now.

Joe MAD.

Pete says all y'all fuckers idiots and now Pete and Bernie are talking over each other and nothing is being accomplished.

Amy Klobuchar would like to say she wrote the bill on Cuba and now she has the talking stick.'

9:38: MODERATOR: Joe Biden, will you beat the shit out of Russia for attacking our elections in 2016 and also right now?


STEYER: Where's the commander-in-chief? Up Russia's butt is where!

We guess nobody else gets to talk about this subject, because next question is why Bernie, who would be the first Jewish president, is so mean to AIPAC and would he move the US embassy back to Tel Aviv. Bernie says he would "take that into consideration" and says Bibi Netanyahu is a piece of shit and you can support Israel but not support Netanyahu and you can support Israel and also support Palestinians.

All of this is correct.

Bloomberg says nope, he's not moving the embassy back.

9:47: Long conversation about North Korea, and we kinda just sat back and watched it, but then it got funny when Joe Biden was YELLING ABOUT IT and then stopped when his time ran out, then was like "Wait, why did I just stop? Nobody else up here does," and people laughed.

Now a question from Twitter for Pete about the humanitarian crisis in Idlib, Syria, where people are being massacred, and what would you do to push back the Russians, etc. Pete answers is ably, then pivots to talking about why he thinks Bernie's Medicare For All plan sux, which is a strange pivot, but OK, sure, fine, you wanted to say that thing, Pete.

Moderator is like your turn, Elizabeth Warren! No, not the Medicare For All question, you gotta answer the Pete question, healthcare was like three hours ago.

Anyway, break! This shit is almost over, we think! Remember that if you love Wonkette's liveblogs, we are 100 percent funded by YOU, because no ads and no Michael Bloomberg moneys. Also liveblogs cost $100,000 to create, per hour. (Might need to check our math.)

Point is, please hit the buttons below to give us money.

9:55: And now they are back for final segment! The candidates are supposed to say 1) the biggest misconception about them and 2) what is your personal motto?

STEYER: Biggest misconception: I'M NOT JUST ABOUT BEING A BILLIONAIRE! Motto: Do the right thing. I write it on my hand!

KLOBS: Misconception: I AM NOT BORING! Motto: I copied it from Paul Wellstone!

9:57: BIDEN: Just gives a bunch of mottos, has to be reminded to do a misconception. Says he's gonna put a black woman on the Supreme Court, that is his motto. Also his mom had a motto. MISCONCEPTION: He "has more hair than he thinks he does."

SANDERS: Misconception: That his ideas are radical! Motto: It is a Nelson Mandela thing about everything being impossible until it happens.

WARREN: Misconception: Everybody thinks I don't eat! Motto: From Matthew 25, the verse about whatever you've done for the least of these, you've done for me. HAHA PETE, SHE BIBLED BEFORE YOU COULD!

PETE: Misconception: People don't think I'm passionate enough! Motto: MORE BIBLE VERSES THAN WARREN HAS.

BLOOMBERG: Misconception: That he is six feet tall. He isn't! Motto: Something he just made up on the spot, who even knows.

Good debate, everyone! It is over! Just kidding, it is not! They are going to ... go to break now? Even though it's supposed to be over?

Back in Joe Biden's day, debates ended ON TIME.

10:05: LOL OK, they went to commercial just to make some quick ad money so they could come back and say goodbye.




Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

2020 democratic primary

The Stage Is Getting Bigger Again, Oh F*ck! Your Charleston Democratic Debate Preview!

Last stop before Super Tuesday!

Here we go again! Wait, didn't we just do this five minutes ago? Yes, we did! And we are doing it again!

Tonight there is a Democratic debate in Charleston, South Carolina, and it starts at 8:00 p.m Eastern. And Wonkette will be liveblogging it! It happens in advance of the South Carolina primary this weekend, and also in advance of Super Tuesday, which is one week from today, the day upon which MANY STATES cast their votes.

The questions on everybody's minds right now are whether Bernie Sanders will continue his winning streak this weekend, or whether somebody will stop him, or a couple of somebodies will stop him. Will Joe Biden emerge like phoenix in South Carolina and start running away with it? Will Michael Bloomberg snatch Joe Biden's wig on Super Tuesday? Or somebody else? We do not know. If your main voting motivation right now is to stop somebody, then now is the time to stop them, though, because in a few weeks it will be too late to stop them, unless it isn't, in which case you can still stop them.

And THAT is the kind of political analysis and forecasting you come to Wonkette for!

Keep reading...

Donald Trump Thinks He Is 'America.' If That Doesn't Horrify You, You Aren't Paying Enough Attention.

Trump said in India that his purge is fine because he's just eliminating people who are disloyal to OUR COUNTRY. By which he means himself.

Allow us to highlight a thing King Trump said to reporters in India, when he wasn't busy shit-tweeting Supreme Court justices for failing to lick his butt the way he likes. He was asked about the purge happening back in Washington DC, the little rampage he's been on ever since he was falsely "acquitted" in the Senate impeachment trial, in which he's summarily eliminating all employees he and his devotees believe aren't sufficiently loyal to him.

TRUMP: I think we had a whistleblower who was a fake, because if you look at the whistleblower as an example, if you look at his report, and then you compare that to the transcripts, it bore no relationship, so that was a very sad situation, and a lot of time, a lot of time wasted ...

They were the exact same, you fucking liar. (Here is the Whistleblower Report. Here is the READ THE TREAJS;DKJATIP!)

TRUMP: We want to have people who are good for the country, who are loyal to our country, because that was a disgraceful situation.

Would that he were actually firing people who were truly disloyal to the country, but LOL no. (Though we should note that we've tried that before as a nation and it didn't go real well.)

He thinks he is the state. Got that? Donald Trump thinks he is the state. He thinks America and himself are one and the same.

Keep reading...
Culture Wars

Coronavirus Causing Right-Wing PanDUMBic Of Epidemic Proportions, GET IT? GET IT? GET IT?

You probably don't get it, it's a very subtle joke.

As the Covid-19 coronavirus outbreak continues to spread around the world, public health experts are doing all they can to research and track the disease, inform people what they can do to reduce their risk of exposure, and to keep people from unduly panicking. But undue panic is also a very profitable business model, so yeah, we're getting a great big honkin' dose of that, too! Fortunately, panic never causes people to do stupid things, as we know from all the times no one has ever shot a family member they thought was a burglar.

Keep reading...
justice department

How Much Sh*tshow Is Bill Barr's Justice Department Right Now? This Much Sh*tshow.

Scenes from inside the DC US attorney's office, where allllllllllll the shit's been going down.

Before we forget, we wanted to highlight some great reporting from Katie Benner and Adam Goldman at the New York Times on what's really been going on in the Justice Department and the DC US attorney's office, which has been handling (or not handling) cases involving a lot of the crimes committed in service of Donald Trump. It provides some important context to Trump's ongoing attacks on the Roger Stone judge and jury and prosecutors, who have obviously all been colluding with reality to convict yet another Trump buddy of so many fucking crimes. It also gives some more background to the ouster of former DC US Attorney Jessie Liu, a Trump appointee, because while she was willing to do a lot in service of Trump, she apparently didn't kiss the ring enough.

Liz wrote for you yesterday on the shadow campaign to get Liu fired, led by Senate Judiciary Committee staffer/idiot Barbara Ledeen, as part of Clarence Thomas's wife Ginni Thomas's Trump witch hunt campaign to purge everyone deemed insufficiently loyal to Dear Leader. (Trump, by the way, told reporters today in India that his enemies list purge is a good thing for "America," because of how that stupid fascist motherfucker thinks he is literally "America.")

Liu had committed some sins, you see, like refusing to LOCK HER UP Brett Kavanaugh's accusers, and not indicting former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe, and signing sentencing recommendations for Michael Flynn that featured prison, just because he committed crimes. It's not that she didn't try, especially with McCabe. It's just that these Deep State grand juries kept coming back and saying, hello, your "case" is bullshit. As Liz wrote, Liu's greatest sin seems to be that she was unwilling to literally invent charges against McCabe and others who made the president's butt itch and hurt his feelings.

But did we mention she TRIED? She TRIED:

Keep reading...
White House

Trump Administration Totally On Top Of Coronavirus Thing, Will Ask Twitter If They Have Any More Questions

It's almost like government by tweet is a bad thing.

Stock markets have been dropping due to fears that the Covid-19 coronavirus could become a global pandemic, so Donald Trump took a little time away from hugging a fellow authoritarian leader in India yesterday to reassure a worried nation that everything's perfectly all right. We're fine. We're all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?

Just to reinforce Trump's insistence that all is well, (acting) Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security Ken Cuccinelli, AKA perennial Wonkette favorite Saint Cooch Nobortions, a member of Trump's coronavirus task force -- really -- took to Twitter to ask why he couldn't see a non-governmental website about the outbreak.

See? Everything's just fine! TOP MEN.

Keep reading...

Dear Leader Knows Who Is Illegitimate, And It Is Supreme Court Ladies Who Hurt His Feelings

Just another mile-marker on our uniquely American road to shithole authoritarianism.

Donald Trump is in India doing the important work of the American people, if by "important work" you mean whining at the liberal women justices of the Supreme Court on Twitter.

Really glad to know that even on his foreign travels, that loser still doesn't miss a minute of his beloved Fox News.

It appears white nationalist-friendly Fox News asshole Laura Ingraham was "reporting" on Justice Sonia Sotomayor's dissent in the Supreme Court's decision to lift a stay and allow Trump's latest fascist white nationalist immigration policy -- one that would impose a wealth test on people seeking green cards, because that's such a big part of Emma Lazarus's Statue of Liberty poem -- and Trump, as ever, was rage-watching his TV from atop his golden shitter.

And now he wants Sotomayor and also Ginsberg [sic because President WordStupid can't spell] to recuse from any case that begins with his name, because clearly if you don't give Trump his imaginary Article II right to do whatever he wants, you are being "unfair." In other words, on top of all elected Democrats and all the career people at the Justice Department, our orange crusty fascist shitlord now views the liberal justices on the Supreme Court as illegitimate. They are in the way of the crime and corruption and fascism he wants to commit, after all, like common Marie Yovanovitches!

Oh also one time Ruth Bader Ginsburg called him a name, and then said she was sorry, so ...

Keep reading...

Supreme Court Pretty Sure Tired, Poor, Huddled Masses Just A Bunch Of Mooches Anyway

It's not a final ruling, but the Supreme Court has lifted yet another stay letting yet another fascist Trump immigration policy go into effect. USA! USA! USA!

It's a day that ends in "y," so the Trump regime is screwing over immigrants again.

As of Monday, US immigration officers around the world will be using a person's wealth to determine whether they should be granted a visa or green card.

This was yet another fun indication from the Supreme Court that it has no problems with the racist-in-chief's penchant for fascism and destroying the lives of would-be immigrants.

Keep reading...

Marco Rubio Stars In 'Dipsh*ts In Cars Blathering About Socialism'

Reminder: This dipshit is a US senator.

Marco Rubio posted a very important video to Twitter today to warn Americans to 1) not trust American elections and 2) beware of Bernie Sanders, who would surely take away your freedom and make America a Marxist hellhole with no freedom, just like every other Democratic presidential candidate since FDR was supposed to only this time the threat is REAL. Rubio is not just trying to score cheap points with idiots, how dare you say that!

Here's Rubio, looking very concerned about how the Democrats may either steal the primary from the scary Vermont socialist, or far worse, NOT steal the primary from him. Also, maybe Rubio posted to Twitter clear evidence of himself violating Florida's new law against taking selfies while driving, but he did it for America so it's OK with Alan Dershowitz.

Keep reading...

PSA: Do Not Fall For Trump's Gaslighting Bullsh*t About Russia's 2020 Election Attacks

Looking at you, CNN.

We've now officially known for several days what pretty much anybody could have told you, if they've been paying attention. Russia is actively interfering with the 2020 election right now as we speak, just like Robert Mueller said they would, they're doing it to help Donald Trump get re-elected, and they're also fucking around in the Democratic primary trying to boost the Bernie Sanders campaign. Or more properly, they're trying to boost conspiracy theories about the establishment trying to steal the nomination from Bernie, just like Donald Trump is doing. Of course, if Bernie wins the nomination, Russia's meddling will change and they'll turn hostile against him, because their true candidate is Vladimir Putin's best boy Trump.

Rght on cue, here comes the gaslighting from Trump-land! And unfortunately, some people are buying it, people who should know better. (Rhymes with "Lake Snapper.")

Keep reading...

India Loves Trump For Some Reason, Is Welcome To Keep Him If It Wants

A Passage To Idiocy.

On his trip to India, Donald Trump did the two things he loves the most about being president: appearing before crowds of people who love him the most, and hugging, literally, a fellow elected authoritarian leader bent on turning his multicultural democracy into a sectarian ethnostate. Trump was greeted warmly by Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi and treated to a rally in the largest cricket stadium in the world, with about 100,000 people in attendance.

Monday, the two Great Men traveled to visit an ashram where Indian independence leader Mohandas Gandhi once lived, and the Washington Post points out that while tens of thousands of Modi supporters lined the roads, the rally and following events fell a tad short of what the American strongman had predicted: "Trump had boasted at a rally in Colorado that 10 million people would greet him upon his arrival."

Then Trump and Melon went to the Taj Mahal to do the mandatory walk around while oohing and ahhing at the 17th century mausoleum. Trump said the building was "Incredible, truly incredible," and managed to refrain from speculating how much money the place could bring in a night if renovated as a hotel. It is not known whether Trump was informed the Taj is often considered a monument to the Mughal emperor Shah Jahan's undying love for his wife, Mumtaz Mahal -- we'll assume not, given that Trump didn't make a joke about how weird it was the guy would build such a big monument. Trump just doesn't seem to think spouses even like each other that much.

Keep reading...

Trump Officials Say They Have 'No Intelligence' ... Stop Laughing, They Are Serious!

It's the Sunday Shows Rundown!

A few days ago, it was reported that it seems the Russians are meddling in the 2020 elections, like they did in 2016, favoring Donald Trump. This (of course) pissed off our Authoritarian-In-Chief and he fired acting (aren't they all) Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire and replaced him with an idiot loyalist, Ambassador to Germany Ric Grenell. Trump also did one of his White House lawn presser shout interviews denying the intelligence while blaming Democrats like House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff, who rightfully criticized him. So this week on the Sunday shows, we got multiple appearances from Trump officials Robert O'Brien and Marc Short, telling America what they really want us to hear about that so-called intelligence.

Keep reading...

Here's Why You'll Never Have The Full Nevada Caucus Results! Tabs, Monday, Feb. 24, 2020

Such great tabs!

Hey, look at me, doing Tabs like a very common Rebecca! It's Yr. Editrix's birthday week, and we wish her fun and relaxation away from all of us.

The Nevada caucuses took place Saturday, and we should have the full results by next Saturday. Fortunately, Bernie Sanders beat everyone's asses so severely, the networks were able to call a projected winner on the actual day, month, and year of the caucus. That's what Iowa gets for having a much closer race, which still has no official winner. (New York Times)

The caucuses have been a mess this time around because of a complicated new reporting system with first alignments and final alignments. It's like a hobbit's breakfast over there. (NBC News)

Harry Reid, former Nevada senator and majority leader, thinks caucuses are stupid pants and we should have primaries like civilized people (I'm paraphrasing). (New York Times)

Only 75 percent of caucuses results were in by 8 p.m. ET Sunday, but it looked like Joe Biden had finished a very distant second place. He had consistently led polling in the state until Sanders started to break away this month. Nevertheless, Biden persists in framing this as a comeback. He's now looking ahead to South Carolina, where an actual win might help his "electability" case, but his lead has dropped 19 percent and Sanders is nipping at his heels. Biden thinks Tom Steyer's billions are to blame. (Slate).

Good news for Biden is that is that House Majority Whip James Clyburn of South Carolina is set to endorse him. (Politico)

Bad news for Sanders is that a random crystal-gazing kook turned up at his Texas rally and endorsed him. Worse, it was Marianne Williamson. Can this campaign be saved? (Newsweek)

Donald Trump continues stacking courts with more right-wing zealots. (LA Times)

Parker Malloy wrote a great piece about why nobody should give a single fuck what "Never Trump" Republicans think about the Democratic primary. (Media Matters)

Style expert and one of America's first top black models, Barbara Smith, died Saturday after a seven-year battle with Alzheimer's. She was 70. (Chicago Sun-Times)

The late Jean Vanier, who founded an organization that supported adults with intellectual disabilities, was considered a moral giant and potential saint in the Catholic Church. In what is probably not much of a surprise post-#MeToo, it's been revealed that Vanier had "coercive sexual relationships" (or "rape") with at least six women. (Washington Post)

National treasure RuPaul is teaching an online MasterClass on how to be fabulous. (Variety)

Congratulations to Quentin Tarantino, whose wife, Daniella Pick, just gave birth to their first bad motherfucker. (Vulture)

Oregon might make daylight savings time permanent. Those of us who rise early because we work on an east coast schedule are not looking forward to never-ending "time to make the doughnuts." (Oregonian)

The Robinson family suffered a culinary loss this weekend. Our beloved Peruvian restaurant, Las Primas, closed. We'll need time to adjust. (Eater)

Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc