coronavirus

Hey, One Of That Idiot's (Four) Executive Orders This Weekend Was Legal!

Good job, idiot!

While The White House is no closer to actually negotiating with Democrats on a new coronavirus stimulus bill, Donald Trump took some time Wednesday to praise himself for his excellent work with those four executive orders he signed last weekend, including, he claimed, a deferment of student loan payments "until further notice." In typical Trump fashion, he sure was proud of his accomplishment, even if he's not entirely sure what he did. Here, have a video snippet straight from his campaign Twitter account. We like the part where he goes off on a tangent and reads the same line twice, which makes the order twice as good.

I signed a directive providing relief to student borrowers. Not their fault that they can't go to college. I will be deferring payments on student loans at zero interest until further notice, so we're gonna take care of our students. Got a lot of great students out there, and they got hit like everybody else. So I will be deferring payments on student loans at zero interest until further notice.

Couple things here. That "until further notice" doesn't actually mean "indefinitely," because the order is quite specific that the deferment will end on December 31, 2020. It could be renewed, but maybe not, if he's not reelected. Sure would be a shame if it went away.

And of course there's that weird thing where Trump seems to think this is helping out people who are currently in college but can't attend classes. (He's said it before, too, even while first announcing the orders.) Look, someone put it in front of him and he doesn't give a shit either way, so he signed it. It's sure to make him popular with the kids. So what is this thing anyway?

Hey, we should probably mention that when House Democrats passed their stimulus bill back in friggin' May, it extended the CARES Act's student loan deferment a full year. You know, that bill Trump keeps insisting is full of crazy liberal stuff that's unrelated to the pandemic.

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2020 presidential election

This Sh*t Is Not In The Bag

Get to work, assholes.

Hello, it is August 13, 2020, and there are 82 days until the US American presidential election of presidents.

Things have been looking cautiously optimistic, which is the best we really want to say about an election season where so far Joe Biden has been beating the fuck out of Donald Trump in every poll, sometimes by double digits. The average right now is 8.2 percent. Monmouth, Nate Silver's top-rated pollster, has Biden up by 10 and over 50 percent. Just yesterday, new swing state polls came out from CNBC and Change Research showing Biden up six points in Florida, five points in Michigan, four points in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, a point up in Arizona, and just a point down in North Carolina. Things tightening a wee bit? Maybe. But they always tend to, as we get closer to Election Day.

At the same time, there are certain things about the election that do not look good. As we've been detailing this week, the Russian attack is back, and this time they're using Republicans in Congress as willing and useful idiot assets to achieve their goals. And their chief asset sits in the White House, where he and lackeys like Attorney General Bill Barr are doing everything they can to hurl dildos in the gears of American democracy, fucking with the post office, fucking with the rule of law, fucking with whatever they can find to fuck with. And of course, Barr is planning to announce the results of his bullshit clownshow "investigation" into the origins of the Russia investigation, which, as if we needed to be reminded, was the investigation into the Russian attack that helped Trump get into office in the first fucking place.

And of course, that's not to mention all the state-level fuckery, as we contend with voting and voter suppression in the middle of a pandemic, in a climate where Republicans everywhere already don't want people voting, because of how they lose when lots of people vote.

So, cautious optimism, always on guard, no resting until they wheel the motherfucker out between two giant Big Mac buns if they have to. Don't care how he leaves, but he can't stay here.

On that note, Nate Silver has released his big election forecast for the general, and it's interesting. His headline is a much less funnier version of ours, "It's Way Too Soon To Count Trump Out." His model currently gives Trump a 29 percent chance of winning. However, he says that if he tricks his model into thinking the election is today, Biden has a 93 percent chance of winning. We did not know you could play a trick on Nate Silver's nerd math model.

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2020 presidential election

OMG Kamala Harris Is An Antifa Socialist Cop From Wall Street!

Also, is she Black? Are you sure?

The moment Joe Biden announced Kamala Harris as his vice presidential pick, the reactions started coming in. Lots of congratulations from folks like Barack Obama ("Joe Biden nailed this decision. [...] She's spent her career defending our Constitution and fighting for folks who need a fair shake"), Elizabeth Warren ("I'm SO looking forward to seeing Kamala take on Mike Pence on the debate stage. Go Kamala!"), and House Majority Whip James Clyburn ("I am ecstatic. [...] I've been saying what a plus it would be to have an African-American woman on the ticket. I just think we are breaking ground here.")

Also, Luke Skywalker said this is the Veep we're looking for:

Our favorite reaction was probably from her younger sister:

OK, now that we've gotten the nice people's reactions out of the way, let's take a look at the jerks and laugh at how they can't figure out how to attack the lady they've known for months was in the top tier of likely running mates.

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2020 presidential election

Kanye Went To Jared

This is all so pathetic and sad.

Awwwww, Kanye West found a friend to help him through whatever it is he's going through, and it is Jared Kushner, awwwwww:

President Trump's son-in-law and senior adviser, Jared Kushner, met privately last weekend with Kanye West, the rapper who has filed petitions to get on the November ballots for president in several states.
The meeting took place in Colorado, where Mr. Kushner was traveling with his wife, Ivanka Trump, those familiar with the meeting said. Mr. West had been camping in Colorado with his family, and afterward flew to Telluride to meet with Mr. Kushner and Ms. Trump ...

Yeah OK fuck off.

We have no idea what they talked about, but we bet it had something to do with Kanye's Trump/Republican-fueled campaign to get on the ballot wherever he can. We don't know why Kanye wants to do this, but we know why Trump and Republicans want to do this. They think Black people are just egregiously stupid, and will vote for the rapping man instead of Joe Biden, thus hopefully slicing away at Biden's leads. And maybe Kanye thinks that too. The Times reports that he's been repeating right-wing anti-abortion vomit about "abortion rates among Black women," and in an interview with Forbes, Kanye seemed well aware that he's doing this to hurt Joe Biden.

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