Lev Explains It All, Episode Two: How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Talking To Rachel Maddow
Did you watch the first night of Lev Parnas on the Rachel show? And most importantly, did you read Wonkette's recap of it, because it took us a long time to write? If you have not done those things, you have five hours of homework, and then you can read this post, which is Wonkette's recap of NIGHT TWO of the Lev Parnas on the Rachel show!
Rachel Maddow started last night's episode of the new hit CW MSNBC show Lev Splains It where we started our recap yesterday, with a discussion of why precisely exactly Lev Parnas, who was indicted by the SDNY, is doing what he's doing right now. The first night, Maddow said what came across in her discussions with him is that he feels that by spilling his guts about what he knows, he is rendered safer than if he were a man who could, we dunno, fall out of a window like a common Russian journalist (either they are particularly bad at knowing which one is "window" and which one is "door" or Vladimir Putin is a murderer), taking his secrets with him.
And yes, it sounds like he is scared of that. We want to emphasize at the outset, though, that we actually don't know Lev Parnas's true motivations in what he's sharing right now. (Marcy Wheeler is skeptical, but also acknowledges that a lot of what Parnas is saying is tracking with what we already know.)
But Parnas said last night that what he fears more than these "criminals" is his shadow spiders the monster under his bed
BILL FUCKING BARR.
(We will replace this grody poop-smell picture of Barr as soon as MSNBC uploads the fucking video, please.)
Martha McSally Insults CNN Reporter, Makes In-Kind Donation To Mark Kelly's Campaign
You could almost feel sorry for Martha McSally (please don't). Arizona's junior senator was appointed to her job after voters already rejected her. Now she'll have to face Democrat Mark Kelly in a real election this year, and real elections are hard. She tried raising money like a good Republican. McSally Inc brought in more than $4 million in the final three months of 2019. Her total fundraising for the year was $12 million, and she rang in 2020 with more than $7.6 million cash on hand. That is objectively good news if viewed in a total vacuum.
Ruh-roh! Kelly, who rejected corporate PAC money and must soldier on with just "pocket change," outraised McSally. He brought in $6.3 million in the last quarter, and he's sitting on top of $13.6 million in cash. He's consistently outperformed her fundraising numbers, and she's the incumbent senator. Of course, Kelly has the advantage of not sucking.
This DOES Sound Like Matt Gaetz!
When we were covering the confirmation of accused boofing sexual predator Brett Kavanaugh to a lifetime position on the Supreme Court, we realized one of the reasons we absolutely believed the women, part of why their stories were so absofuckinglutely believable, was because, as a person who also went to private schools, we know that guy.
Yes, this post is about GOP Rep. Matt Gaetz, but give us a second.
At the time, we wrote about our realization about which guy Brett Kavanaugh was, at his private high school and in college:
You see, we think we have figured out which drunk rich asshole white guy Brett Kavanaugh was in high school. He wasn't one of the guys who was "popular" in the sense of all the girls had crushes on him (and some of the guys too!) and wanted to go necking with him at Boner Cove even on school nights. That was Trevor and Rob and Johnny, and they were #dreamy and Johnny had a Camaro and your mom said Johnny was a total Eddie Haskell but even your mom acknowledged that Johnny was pretty cute.
Kavanaugh, we are guessing, was "popular" in that he was a partier and he spent a lot of time with his "bros," and they probably jacked off in a big circle in their parents' basements only sometimes. They had access to drugs and Natty Light, but secretly, deep down, they were incredibly jealous of Trevor and Rob and Johnny and Johnny's Camaro, because what makes those guys so great anyway? GRANTED, Trevor's ass is perfect and Rob's eyes can make any human melt and Johnny has that Camaro (and is hung like a wild horse), but NO FAIR, WHY THEY GET ALL THE GIRLS? Anyway, we are just saying Brett Kavanaugh's friend group was probably the type that knew where to buy GHB before anybody else at school even knew what that was.
We don't know if Matt Gaetz ever had a claim to even that sort of popularity in school, but it's possible. Like Kavanaugh, his head is misshapen, and his face gives off a certain whiff of desperation. Consider:
Another example of that guy? Donald Trump Jr., who allegedly used to drunkenly piss himself silly during college, to the point that he earned the nickname "Diaper Don."
Also the badly shaped head thing.
Anyway, the Matt Gaetz story we are about to tell you reminded us of Brett Kavanaugh, and also Donald Trump Jr., and not just because, like Kavanaugh and Junior, Gaetz has been known for being LI'L BIT DRINKY DRINKY in his time, in a particularly douchey and unfuckable way.
