The Washington Post has ruined our Friday night AGAIN, this time with news that Jared Kushner, the 36-year-old real estate developer son-in-law of President Donald Trump, when secretly meeting with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak and then declining to list it in his security background check forms, asked the Russian ambassador to let Trump transition officials use secure channels inside the Russian embassy to have secret talks with Vladimir Putin.

The nation's elderly fathers were furious.

"Who does this 35-year-old fucking punk with his 600 million dollars think he is, parading around with Russia and thinking he's going to beat the FBI," old dads, 79, scoffed into the telephone to their daughters, the editrix of the nation's premier mommyblog and recipe hub. The nation's fathers do not care for little fucking punks with $600 million.

"He's not very smart," the nation's daughters explained to their elderly fathers, before regaling them with tales of Jared Kushner's badness at real estate, and why that badness at real estate necessitates an infusion of capital, which dovetails nicely with the meeting set up by Sergey Kislyak for Jared Kushner and a Russian bank, Vnesheconombank (VEB), which is under US sanction. Also, the nation's daughters reminded their dad, Donald Trump too also is not very good at real estate. "So where's all his money from," the nation's dads asked. "Do you really think it's all just from the Russian mob?"

Yes. Yes the nation's daughters do. Plus a little light fraud here and there.

The nation's daughters forgot to add that the documentation revealed by the Post also confirmed t

hat Kushner and the disgraced then-future/now-former National Security Adviser, Mike Flynn, arranged with Kislyak the secret January meeting in the Seychelles between a Russian emissary and scary weirdo mercenary and brother of Betsy DeVos Erik Prince, formerly of Blackwater, but in their defense the nation's dads are super deaf and they have to yell the whole time they're on the phone.

In other breaking news, the Senate Intelligence Committee has asked the Trump campaign to "gather and produce all documents, emails and phone records going back to his campaign’s launch in June 2015." We're sure they'll get right on it.

[WaPo / WaPo]

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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