The Washington Post has ruined our Friday night AGAIN, this time with news that Jared Kushner, the 36-year-old real estate developer son-in-law of President Donald Trump, when secretly meeting with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak and then declining to list it in his security background check forms, asked the Russian ambassador to let Trump transition officials use secure channels inside the Russian embassy to have secret talks with Vladimir Putin.

The nation's elderly fathers were furious.

"Who does this 35-year-old fucking punk with his 600 million dollars think he is, parading around with Russia and thinking he's going to beat the FBI," old dads, 79, scoffed into the telephone to their daughters, the editrix of the nation's premier mommyblog and recipe hub. The nation's fathers do not care for little fucking punks with $600 million.

"He's not very smart," the nation's daughters explained to their elderly fathers, before regaling them with tales of Jared Kushner's badness at real estate, and why that badness at real estate necessitates an infusion of capital, which dovetails nicely with the meeting set up by Sergey Kislyak for Jared Kushner and a Russian bank, Vnesheconombank (VEB), which is under US sanction. Also, the nation's daughters reminded their dad, Donald Trump too also is not very good at real estate. "So where's all his money from," the nation's dads asked. "Do you really think it's all just from the Russian mob?"

Yes. Yes the nation's daughters do. Plus a little light fraud here and there.

The nation's daughters forgot to add that the documentation revealed by the Post also confirmed t

hat Kushner and the disgraced then-future/now-former National Security Adviser, Mike Flynn, arranged with Kislyak the secret January meeting in the Seychelles between a Russian emissary and scary weirdo mercenary and brother of Betsy DeVos Erik Prince, formerly of Blackwater, but in their defense the nation's dads are super deaf and they have to yell the whole time they're on the phone.

In other breaking news, the Senate Intelligence Committee has asked the Trump campaign to "gather and produce all documents, emails and phone records going back to his campaign’s launch in June 2015." We're sure they'll get right on it.

[WaPo / WaPo]

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Okay, we admit it. We skipped ahead and "live-blogged" in the night. After writing 4,000 words about Michael Cohen yesterday, we COULD. NOT. STOP. Lock us up in the cell next to Michael Cohen, we hear he's got JOKES. Seriously, here's Michael Cohen talking about Robert Costello, the attorney Rudy (allegedly) dispatched to dangle a pardon after Cohen flipped, without using his name.

LAWYER: Close to the President.


LAWYER: Employed by the White House?

COHEN: What, are we playing that game where you put it on your forehead?

LAWYER I'm grasping for straws here, Mr. Cohen. I'm just trying to figure out who the - not the intermediary. You don't have to talk about the intermediary.

COHEN: Well, if you ask me any more questions, it's either the person or King Kong, right?

Michael Cohen DGAF on February 28, and he continued to not GAF on March 6 when the Committee reconvened.

Mike Conaway (R-Irrelevance) got the ball rolling by reminding Cohen that he was still under oath -- "Typically, it finishes off with, 'So help me God,' some phrase like that." Not that he wanted Cohen to swear again, but Mike Conaway was just sayin'. Can Mike Conaway pour piss from a boot with instructions written on the heel? We would not swear to it!

Also, either Robert Costello's name is redacted all over this document because he's getting an award for excellence in legal ethics and they don't want to ruin the surprise, or he's in deep shit with SDNY. (Spoiler Alert ...)

Alright, whatcha got for us Mikey?

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