Neil Bush: International Man of Mystery
So Neil Bush, the president's brother, is sitting in his hotel room in Asia, you know, just putting the finishing touches on his daily letter back to the wife and kids after a long day of helping the Chinese make the difficult transition to capitalism. He'd taken a kind of mentor role with president Jiang Zemin's son, who thanked him with a multimillion dollar stake in his computer-chip manufacturing company. Neil was thinking he'd maybe give the money to a good Christian charity -- "Teaching Literacy to Homeless Puppies So That They Can Read the Bible" or something.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. It's a beautiful woman! And she wants to have sex with him! She doesn't ask for money and he doesn't give her any. . .
We pick up the story at Neil Bush's divorce proceedings. Says Neil: "Whatever happened, happened."
Clearly not up on his Penthouse Forum reading, Neil's wife's attorney presses on: "It's a pretty remarkable thing for a man just to go to a hotel room door and open it and have a woman standing there and have sex with her."
Says Bush: "It was very unusual."
If only. It happens to us all the time. We get sore just thinking about it.
You'd think this would cause, we dunno, a "scandal" or something. But the divorce proceedings have been public since March, and the good people of Texas have turned the other check. Of course, there are a few worrywarts, people who talk about "influence trading" and "not having any experience with semi-conductors" and "fathering a child out of wedlock" (The DNA tests haven't even come back yet -- step off, pinkos!). But those who know Neil best say he would never, ever "use his family connections to obtain business opportunities." Says one, "I'm sure it has opened many doors for him, but it wasn't Neil out there trying to get them open. . . Neil would never do anything like that. That's not his style."
That's right. He's just in it for the sex.