New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)

New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)

OH CRAP ROMNEY'S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don't worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention to outlier polls, which makes for a misleading picture). But! The AP poll does contain some delightful quotes from ordinary Americans and other little details that seem, well, kind of hilarious? Not on purpose? Join us for a children's treasury, after the jump.

Here is the number one greatest quote from anyone ever about politics:

Ginny Lewis, a Democrat and 72-year-old retired district attorney from Princeton, Ky., says she'll vote for Romney because "I'm tired of the Republicans blaming all the debt on Democrats, so let them take over and see what they do."

Not that she's optimistic about how that will turn out, though. "I think things will get worse before they get better," she said.

As near as we can parse this, Ms. Lewis intends to put the Republicans in charge of the country as an act of revenge, on the Republicans. "Oh, you think it's so easy to cut the debt? WELL FINE, LET'S SEE YOU TRY." Then four years from now we'll be all "See, see how unfair you were being?" and also we'll be living in a smoldering ruin.

Anyway, ladies like Ginny have now totally defected to Romney, according to the AP, with the "gender gap" having totally closed, lady-wise. Obama still beats Romney on "women's issues" 55-41, which means that big chunks of ladydom aren't voting on "women's issues," apparently (but maybe they will in a few weeks because it'll be that time of the month, amirght fellas).

Interestingly, the gender gap is also closing dude-wise, "with most of the shift toward Mr. Obama coming among unmarried men" who have suddenly realized that ladies are more likely to do sex with you if they can get their birth control for free, probably.

We conclude this children's treasury with the modern American economy distilled down to a few sentences:

David Bierwirth, who owns an autograph sales business in Las Vegas, turned out at a Romney rally in Henderson this week to show his support for the GOP nominee. To Bierwirth, his vote for Romney is all about the economy.

"I want people back to work," he says, "because then they will buy my products.

When will America be wealthy enough again that a man can, in a city built by gangsters in the waterless desert and predicated on fleecing the gullible and the horny, run a successful business selling people the handwritten names of prominent base-ball players and matinee idols? [AP]


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