New Jersey Airs Network TV Commercial For Jazz-Cigarette Medicine, World Maybe Does Not End?


Good job on this ad, Medical Cannabis Network! It is actually funny! Reader, watch it! If you can't, here is the SPOILER: We join a swarthy fellow with an Orson Welles mustache who is trying to sell us some black market sushi, and being real shady about it, like "Yo. You want sushi? I got sushi." Then a woman says "You wouldn't buy your sushi from this guy," and you are like "Finally! A safe and confidential means of obtaining sushi!" But you have been fooled because there is a TWIST: The sushi is a metaphor for your filthy cannabis weeds!

We are not sure about one thing, though: Because jazz cigarettes are now considered medicine, shouldn't this ad have a long medical disclaimer? Like, Do not use marijuana if you are studying for an important exam or are already experiencing a mellow buzz. Side effects including extreme enjoyment of looking at octopus videos, mild to moderate sitting, and not remembering your dreams anymore have been known to occur when using marijuana. If you smell burning hair when using marijuana, call your doctor immediately, or maybe just watch it with the lighter, ya doof.

RELATED: Here is a thing from the Washington Times (yeah we know) about how a lot of Republicans who want to be your new president are talking like they might maybe want to legalize pot a little bit. This is because it's the only issue on which they can safely depart from conservative orthodoxy as they try to entice Democrats and non-voters. And this is because more GOP primary voters have smoked pot than are gay or non-white or in poverty.

And that's pretty sad, that it doesn't really matter whether a thing is "right" or "wrong" or even "favored by a majority of Americans." Instead it's "Will 5% of the most extreme members of my extreme party kick my ass if I support this?"

And that is why you will be allowed to legally smoke the herbs before we get a strong anti-LGBTQ discrimination law.

And if you are a jazz criminal "pot-head" and this post is the first thing you ever read about politics, uh… just don't vote for Rand Paul. Rand Paul is a narc in tool's clothing.

Following Alex on Twitter is legal in all 50 states.

[YouTube via / Washington Times / Gallup / Blade / Gallup / CNN]


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