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New Poll: Michele Bachmann Already Losing Her House Race

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Here is an important 2014 election update brought to you by AHAHAHAHAHAHA: Michele Bachmann is trailing her Democratic challenger for her House seat by two points, according to a new survey from Public Policy Polling:


The survey...shows Democrat Jim Graves leading Bachmann, a four-term congresswoman and former GOP presidential candidate, 47 percent to 45 percent. The results are within the poll’s 4.4 percentage point margin of error.

This is a pretty humiliating thing, as a Republican, to lose your seat in Minnesota's most conservative congressional district. Your Wonkette is going to have a drink to, uh, celebrate this thing that has not yet happened and speculate extremely prematurely on what Michele Bachmann might do with her time after her stench is ejected from the landfill known as Congress, for being too foul. Let's have some ideas, after the jump! 

  1. Collect/eat the remaining foster children in the state of Minnesota
  2. Start a new religion based on the worship of duck poop
  3. Replace her eyeballs with mirrors (picture this)
  4. Run for president of Venezuela
  5. Become a lesbian and get in shape running away from herself
  6. Record a sex tape with Rick Perry's toupee
  7. Get back her old job as a hated IRS tax collector
  8. Hide from the FBI.

 

Share your wild speculations in the comments! (Only comments with wild speculation will be allowed. And just to make it hard, no tangential Marcus Bachmann gay sex jokes. It's been done, whiners. You are ordered to be more imaginative.) [POLITICO]

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BREAKING ACHTUNG EVERYBODY CRY AND PANIC AND HAVE ROLLICKING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, BECAUSE ROBERT MUELLER DID THE THING.

We don't know what the thing means yet, but we know that he gave the thing to Attorney General Bill Barr, who is presumably looking at the thing right now. Donald Trump is at Mar-a-Lago, so he does not have the thing, because NO THING FOR ILLEGITIMATE PRESIDENTS. Studies show that according to sources close to the investigation who may or may not be close to the investigation, we might have some real information on what is inside the thing sometime this weekend.

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Whatcha doin' down there at Mar-a-Lago, Mister Normal President Of America?

OK ... huh?

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