2020: The Year We Marched For Black Lives While The Cops Whined

Black Lives Matter.

Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin murdered George Floyd on May 25, Memorial Day. Floyd was handcuffed, unarmed, and defenseless, but Chauvin pressed his knee into his throat for nine and a half minutes, ignoring his cries for mercy, until he was dead. Chauvin's accomplices in blue stood and watched.

In March, Louisville, Kentucky, cops burst into Breonna Taylor's home, while she slept, and shot her to death. The police considered this a terrible inconvenience for Taylor and a personal tragedy for themselves because people wouldn't shut up about it.

Cops kill unarmed Black people with disturbing regularity, but the sociopathic brutality of Floyd's death sparked something within the country. It scared the police as much as imaginary poison milk shakes or tampons in their Frappuccinos that obviously aren't tampons. Americans took to the streets in support of Black lives. Even Mitt Romney showed up. Black Lives Matter as a movement grew in popularity.

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2020: The Year Trump’s Dummies Wouldn’t Wear Masks

THIS is their culture war???

During a global pandemic, what's the absolute least we can do to keep our fellow citizens safe? You might think it's wearing a simple facial covering to avoid spraying coronavirus on everyone, but what we've learned this year is that masks are TYRANNY. Also, Krypton is doomed.

Conservative writer David Frum observed that in Canada, people, regardless of political party, "wear coats when it gets cold. Left, right, and center, they wear masks during a pandemic spread by airborne droplets. It's just not something to argue over." The results from this alignment on public health are undeniable: Canada has managed the pandemic with far more “exceptionalism" than the United States. Vox grimly noted in September that If the US had the same death rate as Canada, almost 109,000 Americans wouldn't have died from COVID-19. But at least they died with their masks off ... or more accurately, they died because someone else's mask was off. That's the whole problem.

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Here Are Just Some Of The 85,000 Stupid Things People Believed This Year

Never forget the mole children.

If there is anything 2020 may be remembered for, other than the pandemic, it is all of the totally bizarre shit people believed. People could make up literally anything, and within days other people would be believing it. Heck, they'd be marching against it. Maybe it was because they were simultaneously bored and freaked out by everything? I don't know!

Personally, I think it was a combination of the pandemic and four years of Donald Trump. Everything has seemed so surreal for the past four years that, really, the best a melting clock is going to get is a bit of a shrug. When extreme things are constantly happening in reality, it's simply easier to believe things that could not possibly be true.

And boy, there was a lot of that in 2020. Let's reminisce!

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2020's Most Garbagest Men

Out of ... a whole lot of crappy dudes.

Over the past few years, the primary concern with violent young men has been that they may go on shooting sprees over not getting laid, or because they were otherwise mad at women. This year, it seems, most of them have moved on from extreme misogyny to racism and general John Bircher ... ism, or going around screaming about socialism like so many assholes before them. I don't know what the next phase of this is, but let's just hope it doesn't get worse.

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