Policy ideas from Soylent Green seldom work out well.
"I'm glad I'm living in the land of the free / Where the rich just get richer / And the poor you don't ever have to see" -- Randy Newman, "The World Isn't Fair"
Donald Trump has reportedly been demanding that the federal government clear out all the homeless people in California -- not because he's particularly concerned about homelessness nationwide, but because 1) Fox News has been harping on homeless people in California for the last few months and B) bashing California gets his rally crowds worked up. And that is how policy in the USA gets made these days. Yes, really; the Washington Post's initial story Tuesday on Trump's suddenly discovered need to clean up homelessness makes that quite clear:
Fox News has aired at least 18 segments on California homelessness in 2019, according to a review of Fox closed-captioning transcripts. None of the segments aired before June, and 10 aired in August alone.
We deeply appreciate the explanatory coda to that paragraph: "Trump is known to absorb content and ideas from Fox News." Which is why the Great Man's minions are now preparing to put on a show of doing something, anything, that can be seen on video to satisfy him. No, actually funding housing and programs that would keep people from becoming homeless is not visually interesting enough. Something along these lines would be a lot more exciting. Could we try this please?
Soylent Green. Bucket detain www.youtube.com
Then we could replace WIC and SNAP benefits with monthly shipments of Soylent products. They're packed with protein and shelf-stable!
Also describes himself as 'gorgeous wife' in his Twitter bio.
Beto O'Rourke had a good debate last night. First of all, he was warned beforehand that he was not allowed to say his normal campaign speech, which is "COCK DICK MOTHERFUCKER PISS WHISTLE BOOTIE HOLE WEENER WEENER WEENER" -- fits on a long bumper sticker! -- because there wouldn't be a delay to bleep out his naughtiness, and he mostly remained cuss-free! Candidates on the stage seemed like they were having a competition to say nice things to Beto, specifically about how amazing he's been speaking out after the horrific mass terrorist shooting in his hometown of El Paso. We reckon that while Beto may not be in striking distance of becoming one of the frontrunners in the presidential race, he's about at the front of the pack when it comes to the veepstakes, especially if somebody like Warren wins. (Those frontrunners are not idiots. They would like to win Texas.)
And one of Beto's big moments came when he was asked if he was FOR REAL when he said he was gonna grab yer guns, specifically your AR-15s and your AK-47. His answer? Fuck yes he is. Or rather, because he was not allowed to say cusses, FUDGE YEAH!
'Go back to Mexico' would make more sense if the people were from Mexico.
We're treating immigrants like shit again.
This week, the Supreme Court allowed the Trump regime to bar immigrants who arrive at the US border from seeking asylum, unless they have sought asylum in another country first. The decision in Barr v. East Bay Sanctuary Covenant means the Trump regime can, in essence, bar all people from Central America arriving on foot from seeking asylum in the US, no matter how terrible the conditions they are fleeing. The rule does not allow for any consideration of whether the immigrants would be safe in that third country.
Justice Sonia Sotomayor dissented, joined by RBG, reminding us that there is some good left in the world.
Black man starts to suspect that Trump MIGHT BE a racist POS.
Donald Trump has lost his African-American. If it's any help, we're usually the last place you put us. During the 2016 presidential campaign, Trump spotted Gregory Cheadle -- who is black and not the actor Don -- in the crowd at one of his rallies. He paused his rambling nonsense to point at Cheadle and exclaim, "Look at my African-American over here! Look at him. Are you the greatest?" We don't recommend dehumanizing black people by assuming we're your personal property. That fad only lasted for 400 years.
Trump's African-American tried sticking it out in the GOP's "One of The Good Ones" club, where membership has no privileges. But he's finally had enough. Cheadle revealed to PBS News Hour that he's done with Trump's ragtag band of racists and is now a free agent.
CHEADLE: President Trump is a rich guy who is mired in white privilege to the extreme. Republicans are too sheepish to call him out on anything and they are afraid of losing their positions and losing any power themselves.
Cheadle hasn't been back on the plantation that long and already he's race-baiting and waging class warfare. It was all building up inside during the eight goddamn years he wasn't supporting Barack Obama.
Trump Praises to 'My African American' Supporter www.youtube.com
Another 2020 Dem debate, the GOP goes to Baltimore, and Big Tech's got a teensy problem. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Oops, we cussed.
Oh well, Beto might not be allowed to cuss -- and no "F" or "B" or "C" words from you either, Andrew Yang! -- but Wonkette is. And why? Because we're only like 100 debates into this campaign season and we're already bored with every debate ever. So fuckin' whatever.
Here's a fucking livestream:
Your Democratic debate preview!
Tonight is the ONE NIGHT ONLY THANK GOD Democratic debate, and can you believe ABC News and the DNC put out a special NO CUSSING notice to the candidates, because of how there won't be a delay and therefore BETO they just want all the candidates BETO to be on notice BETO that if you start saying "fuck" BETO then they can't edit it out for the little children at home, who have never heard cusses ever, especially not from the president who currently sits in office.
(Beto says cusses. That is why the DNC and ABC sent out their dumbfucking notice, probably. Or maybe it's directed at Amy Klobuchar, we dunno.)
This is the shortest debate preview we are ever going to write, so let's cover the details.
History lesson time! Once upon a time Henry Kissinger was a very bad man who was the secretary of State and also the national security advisor and he served a criminal president named Richard Nixon in both of those roles and then Richard Nixon got Watergated to death but he got better but then he died at a later date. Oh boy, Wonkette is the historian Kevin Kruse DREAMS of being!
Rumor has it that Mike Pompeo might be the next national security advisor. (CALLED IT.) Wait, but isn't he secretary of State? Yes, but pffffft, who cares, Trump loves Pompeo because Pompeo eats Trump's butt for breakfast. Wait, but isn't he secretary of Defense? Haha, no, silly, that is POP QUIZ BET YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THAT GUY'S NAME. Wait, but isn't he CIA director? Haha no, silly, just kidding kind of.
According to a senior Trump administration official CNN talked to, Donald Trump might be interested in "double-tapping" Mike Pompeo, which is a very gross way to put that, dammit, CNN! We were thinking about eating lunch, but we are not thinking about that anymore.
Like father like disgusting son!
Donald Trump has sent to the Senate his official nomination of Eugene Scalia, son of the late Supreme Court justice murdered by Hillary's death squads, to be the next US secretary of Labor. That's about what you'd expect from the guy whose first Labor secretary nominee, Andy Puzder, was a fast food CEO who advocated replacing minimum wage workers with burger-flipping robots, then withdrew when somebody recalled he'd been accused of beating up his wife. Not that there's a pattern or anything. In July, Secretary Alex Acosta resigned -- and Trump reluctantly let him go -- over his role in helping Jeffrey Epstein get a sweetheart plea deal years ago, because it's not great when the US Attorney sides with the child-raper.
Thank goodness no one has ever accused Eugene Scalia of ever being involved in abusing women, unless you count his arguing in 1998 that companies shouldn't be held liable for supervisors who sexually harass employees -- unless the company endorsed the harassment, you see. He also explained,
Saying "You're an incompetent stupid female bitch" a single time is not actionable environmental harassment.
One time is just having a bad day, we suppose, not a pattern. Beyond that, he argued that the concept of Quid Pro Quo sexual harassment -- demanding sex in exchange for keeping a job, or getting a promotion -- should be done away with because it's "redundant and ambiguous in theory, and cumbersome and confusing in practice."
This all you got?
During the 2016 presidential campaign, former governor of Pennsylvania and smooth talker Ed Rendell predicted that Donald Trump would lose based on the scientific principle that there are more "ugly women in America than attractive women." Turns out there were more hot women voters who are also xenophobic bigots than Penthouse Forum ever led us to believe. Donald Trump is now president and Rendell should've never been heard from again. But aren't we lucky! Rendell, a surrogate for Joe Biden, is back with more words about women, specifically the woman known as Elizabeth Warren.
Rendell called Planmaster Liz a "hypocrite" in a Washington Post op-ed yesterday. He also claims to like her. He thinks she's a great senator and happily co-chaired a fundraiser for her 2018 re-election campaign. But Warren the presidential candidate wants nothing to do with "high-dollar fundraising events." What makes Warren a hypocrite in Rendell's mind is that she transferred $10.4 million from her reelection fund to her presidential campaign.
Hey look, we can still be shocked.
The House Oversight subcommittee on civil rights held an emergency hearing Wednesday on the Trump administration's decision last month to try to deport immigrants who are receiving treatment for severe illnesses. The policy change, which came without any announcement or public input, only became known when immigrants got letters telling them their application for "medical deferred action" had been denied and that they had just 33 days to leave the country or face deportation. Leaving the US would be a death sentence for many, since the life-sustaining treatment they need isn't available in their home countries. On Labor Day, US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) issued a notice that it would reconsider some applications, but insisted limiting the deferrals "is appropriate."
Advocates for the relatively small program, along with two people who received the go-home-and-die letters, testified about the very real consequences of ending the medical deferrals. But officials from USCIS and from Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), which is supposedly taking over administration of such deferrals, didn't offer any clear answers. Republicans on the subcommittee used their time to argue the whole hearing was a waste of time, because what about the INVASION AT BORDER, huh?
The Washington Post summed up the few facts that could be pried out of the two government witnesses:
Your daily update on THE JERRYCOCK!
Last week we had daily updates on Hurricane Dorian's unfortunate track through Alabama (in the president's brain). This week we have daily updates on JERRY FALWELL'S WONDERCOCK OF JOY AND LAMENTATIONS, DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU'RE SITTING AND WHETHER YOU'VE DONE YOUR BREATHING EXERCISES, ALLEGEDLY.
If you'll remember, there was a big Politico piece this week, where journalist and Liberty University alum Brandon Ambrosino got lots of Liberty people to talk off the record about Jerry's little fiefdom, and also some other things. By the way, "little fiefdom" isn't his name for HIS COCK, because have you heard how it WON'T FIT IN HIS WIFE?
Allow us to remind you:
At Liberty, Falwell is "very, very vocal" about his "sex life," in the words of one Liberty official—a characterization multiple current and former university officials and employees interviewed for this story support. In a car ride about a decade ago with a senior university official who has since left Liberty, "all he wanted to talk about was how he would nail his wife, how she couldn't handle [his penis size], and stuff of that sort," this former official recalled. Falwell did not respond to questions about this incident.
MULTIPLE people confirmed to Politico that Jerry just hearts talking about his cock. And they also told Politico about how Liberty University isn't really a college (knew that), but rather a "real estate hedge fund" that's "not educating," but rather "buying real estate every year and taking students' money to do it."
And now Jerry Falwell Jr. is MAD and he is going to SUE EVERYBODY who told SECRETS about his COCK, which is weird, because doesn't the Bible say DON'T HIDE YOUR COCK UNDER A BUSHEL, JERRY?
Hey, is Lisa Bloom smearing Harvey Weinstein's rape victims a 'zealous defense'? That's a tough one no it isn't.
So Lisa Bloom fucking sucks.
Lisa Bloom, lauded "feminist," "women's rights" attorney, and daughter of Gloria Allred, has spent most of her career representing women and crime victims. But for a little while, she decided to take a break from women who had been victimized to help one of the most prolific rapists of our time: Harvey Weinstein. And she helped Weinstein come up with a plan, not to defend himself in court, but to smear and bribe his victims.
Another Dem debate, White House gig problem, and silly animal photos. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Once again there's a torrent of things spewing from swamp this morning, but here's SOME of the things we may be talking about today.
Want some bullcrap about Michael Flynn and his bullcrap TV lawyer Sidney Powell? You have come to the right bullcrap place!
It is so hard to figure out what Michael Flynn is angling for these days. (A pardon.) And it's super hard to suss out exactly what his new batshit Fox News lawyer Sidney Powell is trying to accomplish, as she throws bullshit in the judge's direction about how HE WUZ FRAMED and the government has SECRET DOCUMENTZ that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that HE WUZ FRAMED. (She wants to throw as much Deep State bullshit at the wall as she possibly can, possibly because she actually believes the stuff, which is scary, but most certainly because she wants to influence public opinion to create space for Flynn to get a pardon, because he was just so unfairly treated.)
Michael Flynn, who spent decades in the military and literal WEEKS as Trump's national security advisor, lied to the FBI. That is what he is being sentenced for. Of course, wrapped up in there is alllllll his literal actual foreign agent work, which he was secretly doing while he was advising Trump's campaign and as national security advisor, and which he had to plead to in order to get his sweetheart cooperation agreement with Robert Mueller's team. All of this has been established. All of this has been admitted to, in court, by a man named Michael Flynn!
So of course the Flynn hearing on Tuesday was totally normal and very legal and very cool, and exactly what you'd expect. Rachel Maddow read from the transcript, like she does. (Thanks, Maddow graphics team, as usual! Wonkette will send you a gift card ... sometime!)
Just another day in a failed state.
You might recall that expert report a few years back which determined North Carolina's democratic institutions are a mess, roughly on a par with those in Cuba, Indonesia, or Sierra Leone, and not quite as good as Rwanda. Republicans in the North Carolina House of Representatives apparently think the state needs to slide down a few ranks, so today they pulled a funny little trick to pass an override of Democratic Gov. Roy Cooper's veto of the state budget. All they had to do was tell Democrats that no votes would be taken in the morning session, and then, in the half-empty chamber, the Rs forced a vote on the budget override, which passed 55-9, HA! HA!
Gov. Cooper had vetoed the budget bill in June because it didn't include funding to expand Medicaid, and also because it skimped on pay raises for teachers while giving tax cuts to corporations.
Oh, and for an extra bit of awful, many of the Democrats were reportedly out attending 9/11 memorials, although the Associated Press notes "it wasn't immediately clear how many lawmakers may have been attending memorials." Look, if they're too wrapped up in silly distractions, that's on them!
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