Crime

Found The Voter Fraud! It Was Some GOP Florida F*cker Named Bill The Whole Time!

Allegedly. Wait not allegedly, we meant to say admittedly.

If Republicans are whining about something, it is only and always projection, because they are doing the thing they are whining about The Libs doing. For example, if Donald Trump accuses somebody else of committing a crime, folks should investigate Trump for doing that specific crime, because he's extremely definitely doing it. The words of Republicans, and of Trump, are confessions. You just have to translate them correctly.

We have another particularly egregious example of such projection on the subject of voter fraud. As we endure the longest temper tantrum in world history, with Trump whining about imaginary frauders stealing the election from him and giving it to Joe Biden, a pretty serious case of voter fraud has been revealed, and SURPRISE! it's a Republican trying to help steal the Georgia Senate runoffs, for Republicans.

Nicole Carr, a reporter for WSB-TV 2 in Atlanta, reports that a Florida Man named Bill Price was caught on tape explaining to Republicans in Bay County (that gross Fl-eorgia county where Panama City is) exactly how to pretend to move to Georgia so they could vote for Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue. No, he is not leading a campaign to help Floridians escape that hellmouth and move to Georgia legitimately. He wants them, again, to pretend.

The video was streamed on Facebook Live, and it has now been deleted, but Carr still got it:

He's doin' it! He's movin' to Georgia! And now he is under investigation.

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Trump

Donald Trump Threatens To Not Fund Military. Oh Dear. How Sad.

Oh well, no military funding then.

In his latest post-election snit that no one's taking very seriously, Donald Trump threatened Tuesday to veto the annual defense funding bill if Congress doesn't repeal a key law that protects websites from being sued for stuff their users post. It was yet another hissy in Trump's longstanding attempt to limit speech on the internet by whining that conservatives don't have free speech.

Trump's beef is with Section 230 of the 1996 Communications Decency Act, which shields internet companies from liability for messages their users post, meaning the sites can only be held legally responsible for content created by the companies themselves. So if Wonkette libeled Donald Trump, he can sue us, but we can't be sued for any of the awful things you Terrible Ones write in the comments, which we don't allow anyway.

In a pair of tweets Tuesday night, Trump whined,

Section 230, which is a liability shielding gift from the U.S. to "Big Tech" (the only companies in America that have it - corporate welfare!), is a serious threat to our National Security & Election Integrity. Our Country can never be safe & secure if we allow it to stand.....

.....Therefore, if the very dangerous & unfair Section 230 is not completely terminated as part of the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA), I will be forced to unequivocally VETO the Bill when sent to the very beautiful Resolute desk. Take back America NOW. Thank you!

Yes, he invoked both "national security" and the Oval Office's "very beautiful Resolute desk," because we wouldn't want Joe Biden to make us forget how real presidents talk. So gosh, imagine if we ended up with the internet intact, and the Pentagon having to pinch pennies, so sad. It's not like Trump gives two shits about The Troops anyway, those suckers.

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justice department

All Fun And Games Until Trump's Biggest Fluffers Start Accusing ... Bill Barr? ... Of Treason?

They're eating each other. And we get to watch for free!

We've reached the point in the saga of Donald Trump's long, slow, petulant waddle out of the White House where his biggest sycophants are eating each other. So that's fun.

After Attorney General Bill Barr told the Associated Press that it was pretty clearly obvious that there was no widespread election fraud, the knives were out for Barr, who is definitely the Deep State now. Yes, that Bill Barr. Fascist Bible gassing Bill Barr. Investigate the investigators to find out who put Wire Tapps inside Donald Trump's bottom Bill Barr. Same guy. Definitely the Deep State now. Probably always has been. Probably did Pizzagate with Hillary Clinton and is sexting pictures of his peen-mound to Peter Strzok right this very minute.

We discussed yesterday that it seems pretty clear to us that Barr is about ready to, in some measured, well-choreographed way, get off this Trump crime train. Indeed, in his vainglorious shitwit brain, we wouldn't be surprised if he's not harboring fantasies of actually being the one to land the plane. "Look, I was an institutionalist the whole time!" he will say, to no one who is listening. "I protected America from Donald Trump's worst instincts!" We betcha. Trump is reportedly thinking about firing Barr, by the way, which would just be another way, in Barr's mind, of re-establishing his credibility once Trump is nothing more than an orange shart cloud in America's rear view mirror.

We also discussed yesterday just how completely fuckbonkers Trump's loyalists have gotten, now sharing conspiracy theories about RELEASE THE KRAKEN, which they say consists of secret raids on CIA facilities that don't exist, to seize vote-flipping servers that do not exist, carried out by Army battalions that literally don't even do operations like that, resulting in the deaths of five heroic servicemembers who didn't die. The conspiracy theory seems to have at least partially been invented by a disgraced and possibly senile retired Air Force lieutenant general named Thomas McInerney,

Now those two stories are coming together, because look what McInerney said about Bill Barr yesterday, just kidding we can't wait to tell you, HE ACCUSED BILL BARR OF TREASON.

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Conspiracy Theories

The Kraken Went Down To Georgia, Weird Sh*t Ensued

What the hell did we just watch?

Donald Trump's former Kraken handler, Sidney Powell, held a banana pants press conference Wednesday in Alpharetta, Georgia, just north of Atlanta, where cool people live. She shared more absurd, baseless claims about how dead but still spry Hugo Chavez helped mean old Joe Biden steal Trump's landslide victory, like someone snatching away a baby's rattle.

Hundreds of maskless morons showed up for this “Stop the Steal" rally. They welcomed Powell with a roar of applause, despite her Washington Generals-like streak of courtroom losses.

Maybe it wasn't all crazy. Maybe Powell, who is somehow licensed to practice law, said something reasonable.

POWELL: There was and still is massive voter fraud across this country. It took all forms. It was not just the Dominion machines. We have experts and a witness who have explained to us that the fraud exists in the DNA of the software that was run by any voting system in the country, so they all are at risk of having been manipulated. I think that we will eventually find that the algorithm that flipped votes at a certain percentage from Trump to Mr. Biden was run all across the country.

Yeah, that's unequivocally nuts, and it's the same lie-laced fantasy Trump posted Wednesday on Facebook. Look, Georgia just completed a hand recount of paper ballots. I repeat: Hands counted paper, motherfuckers. Biden's win was legit and Republican officials certified the result.

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