<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><urlset xmlns="http://www.sitemaps.org/schemas/sitemap/0.9" xmlns:news="http://www.google.com/schemas/sitemap-news/0.9"><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/ice-funding-bill-crashes-into-ballroom</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-22T19:01:53+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>ICE Funding Bill Crashes Into Ballroom, Crime-Droog Slush Fund. How Sad!</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/markwayne-mullin-will-punish-sanctuary</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-22T17:45:04+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Markwayne Mullin Will Punish Sanctuary Cities By Making Air Travel More Annoying For Everyone</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/broadview-six-case-dismissed-on-grounds</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-22T16:02:41+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>'Broadview Six' Case Dismissed On Grounds Of The Prosecutors Are Malevolent Idiots</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/can-you-believe-this-podcaster-got</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-22T14:15:58+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Can You Believe This Podcaster Got Pregnant Without Even Considering How That Would Make Republicans Feel?</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/trump-trying-hard-to-get-out-of-going</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-22T12:55:45+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Trump Trying Hard To Get Out Of Going To Don Jr.'s Wedding</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/pay-the-fck-up-tabs-fri-may-22-2026</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-22T11:03:39+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Pay The F*ck Up! Tabs, Fri., May 22, 2026</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/sweet-leilani-wonkette-one-a-day</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-21T20:25:35+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Sweet Leilani! Wonkette One-A-Day for 5/21/26!</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/jeff-bezos-says-taxing-him-more-wont</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-21T20:20:53+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Jeff Bezos Says Taxing Him More Won't Help Anyone. Zohran Mamdani Will Take That Bet.</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/grubby-maga-grifters-slithering-from</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-21T18:15:44+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Grubby MAGA Grifters Slithering From Woodwork To Demand Payouts From Trump Crime-Droog Slush Fund</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/ny-times-shocked-trump-personal-lawyer</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-21T16:15:37+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>NY Times Shocked Trump Personal Lawyer AG Acting Like Trump Personal Lawyer</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/tennessee-officials-find-out-about</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-21T14:53:55+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Tennessee Officials Find Out About First Amendment The Hard Way</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/oh-so-now-its-illegal-to-go-on-family</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-21T12:55:50+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>OH, SO NOW IT'S ILLEGAL TO GO ON FAMILY ROAD TRIPS?</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/hawaii-field-trip-report-tabs-thurs</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-21T11:03:00+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Hawaii Field Trip Report! Tabs, Thurs., May 21, 2026!</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.wonkette.com/p/dont-go-taking-any-penis-advice-from</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>Wonkette</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-05-20T20:20:37+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Don't Go Taking Any Penis Advice From Clavicular</news:title></news:news></url></urlset>