Next Governor Of Illinois Could Bail Out EU With His Wine Collection
Republican gazillionaire Bruce Rauner is richer than you. And you. And you. And all of us put together. He counts his millions by the hundreds. And he'd like to be the next governor of Illinois -- which, given that he's leading in the polls, is something that could actually happen; what's up with that, Illinois?
Also, Rauner really likes wine:
On Tuesday, Rauner disclosed he belonged to an invitation-only, exclusive wine club that cost upward of $100,000 to join.
“I have many investments, and I am a member of many clubs,” Rauner said when asked about membership with the Napa Valley Reserve wine club at a news conference. Pressed further on whether he was a member, Rauner responded: “Yes,” without elaborating.
Not that he's not a totally normal regular guy, mind you, because he is! In March of this year, he explained in an interview with the Sun Times just how regular a guy he is:
“Oh, I’m probably .01 percent,” said Rauner, who owns nine homes, and made $53 million last year.
Wait, that's not the regular guy part. This is:
“I am a very different person from Mitt Romney,” Rauner said. “I drink beer. I smoke a cigar. I use a gun. I ride a Harley. My grandparents lived in a double-wide trailer. I’m a salesman. He’s an analyst.”
Got that? He is not Mitt Romney. Even though he is also, like Mitt, a member of the I Stash My Cash In The Caymans Club, a very exclusive club for super rich dudes who have nothing whatsoever to hide except for all that money they'd rather not talk about, shut up, stop asking about that, it's none of your business. If you want to know about it, maybe you should be A Job CreatorTM and join the club.
It's not that there's anything inherently wrong with being disgustingly filthy rich, especially if you smoke cigars -- or at least a cigar, just the one, maybe he's really thrifty, who knows? -- and also if your grandparents lived in a double-wide trailer. We're sure Rauner worked super hard to earn those hundreds of millions of dollars on which he's paid a mere 19 percent in taxes, because he is smarter than you and you and you, and all of us put together who are dumb enough to pay more than that. In fact, we know he worked hard for that money, and deserves every penny of it, because he once told us so.
"Capitalism is the greatest poverty-fighting machine in the history of mankind, and I'm proud of the role I've played in it," the Chicago private-equity mogul declared in his press release. “I've worked extremely hard and feel incredibly blessed to have earned financial success. I'm driven by the challenge of business, the team-building aspect and the problem solving.”
And now, Illinois, he's going to solve your problems too. With capitalism. And hard work. And wine. Really, really nice wine.