Next Year's Primaries to be Slightly Drunker Than Usual

Remember how every state in the country decided to move their primaries to early February, just to fuck up the '08 presidential race even more? Turns out they all, in their wise judgment, decided to hold this new "Super-duper Tuesday" on Mardi Gras!


It is the god-given right of citizens of our southern states to get blind-drunk on Fat Tuesday, and various legislatures have decided to accommodate them. Rather than risk drunken results from regretful citizens (you never want to wake up next to Joe Biden), some states have decided to allow voters to, basically, vote any old time they want.

And of course, that being a holiday (meaning for Mardi Gras), counties like Mobile, Baldwin and elsewhere -- especially in southern parts of the state, would, under the bill, be able to vote on Jan. 30 with their votes sealed until the actual date.

And if they couldn't vote on Jan. 30, and wanted to vote on Fat Tuesday, (or by absentee), it looks like voters in those counties deeply immersed in their traditions, according to the bill, would have to wend their way to one big precinct in each county to cast a vote Feb. 5. (At least, that seems to be the latest proposal.)

In other words, you can move to Alabama right now and start the voter fraud by next week. We've already cast two primary votes for Tommy Thompson!

Precious Primary Permutations [The Caucus]

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