Nixon Blamed For Poisoned China Crap

Only Nixon could go to China ... - WonketteEver since Dick Nixon "opened" China, Americans have been treated to an endless supply of cheap consumer goods that are much more affordable for unemployed people. Here's the latest list of stuff that costs a little less as it kills you:

* Fish, shrimp, sea monsters: Today the FDA banned imports of five poison seafoods from China, including shrimp and bass. Some of the special additives cause cancer! "We don't know how much of this product is in the country," said Margaret O' K. Glavin, the FDA's associate commissioner for regulatory affairs.

* Some 900,000 tubes of poison toothpaste have been imported from China. But don't worry, because they've mostly gone to mental hospitals and jails. Let's hope Scooter brings his own tube of Colgate.

* If you bought some cheap light-truck tires lately, you might want to check the brand, because 450,000 (or maybe a million) dangerous Chinese tires were recently sold in the United States.

* Do your kids like those stupid Thomas the Train toys? Well, those things are made in China, and certain models have specialty lead paint to poison your unwanted children!

* If your pets haven't died yet, they probably didn't get any of the 60 million melamine-contaminated bowls of dog food.

* 60% of all imports are from China, so there's a 60% chance something in your house is going to kill you, soon.

China Defends Safety of its Exports [CBS News]


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