WHOA gun-humpers better put their right hands on their hearts and their left hands on the guns they put in their underpants to make their bulges look bigger, because the beloved National Rifle Association may have been infiltrated by Obama-loving anti-American liberals. They have announced that at their annual convention of donkey-fucking nutbags, to be held this weekend in Nashville, you aren't even allowed to have loaded guns! How is this even safe? What if a bad guy with a gun somehow infiltrates the premises, like an Ay-rab or a black person?


A multilevel security plan went into works not long after Nashville was chosen as the convention destination. All guns on the convention floor will be nonoperational, with the firing pins removed, and any guns purchased during the NRA convention will have to be picked up at a Federal Firearms License dealer, near where the purchaser lives, and will require a legal identification.

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NOT FAIR. How will they even know which guns to buy with their Social Security checks if they can't fire them in the air a bunch of times? You gotta test drive stuff! Also, this whole thing about not getting to take the guns you adopted home with you is simply cruel, because how will the gun know you are its real New Daddy if you don't let it sleep in the bed next to you the first night? It's like these people don't even know how adoption works.

But before NRA conventioneers have a complete toddler meltdown, it's not all bad news. According to Nashville Public Radio, it's only SOME events where attendees will be left completely vulnerable to the ISIS cell that waits around every dark corner, ready to attack an American wingnut. You see, all the big events, like the concerts, and the speeches where Ted Nugent asks Sarah Palin up to the stage so he can tongue-kiss her, right on her bumpit, will be held at Bridgestone Arena, which is No Guns Allowed. Also, all the speeches by pretty much every inbred passenger in the GOP's 2016 clownmobile will be held there. So Nugent, Palin and the others will be unarmed, sadface. However, the daytime events, where the REAL gun-fondling happens, will be at Music City Center, where legal guns are fine and dandy. Nashville Public Radio also reports that this is not exactly new, as there were similar restrictions last year in Indianapolis.

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This doesn't mean NRA members are happy, of course:

NRA member Dan Utz of the Chicago area says he tries never to patronize establishments that don’t allow guns. In this case, he says he may have to break his rule.

“I paid for the tickets and they’re non-refundable, so I will probably go," Utz said. "Had I known before, I can’t say for sure that I wouldn’t have, but I would have strongly considered not [going].”

Poor baby. Maybe he can stand outside with whatever libtard groups decide to protest this year!

It is worth noting that this is happening in Tennessee, where it has been confirmed that it's totally safe to carry guns near elementary schools, as long as you are a licensed, responsible gun-humper. We are pretty sure that every single person who has ever gone to an NRA convention is the most licensed, responsiblest gun enthusiast in America. This is tyranny, pure and simple. What's next, NRA? Letting boy guns marry other boy guns? Making sure they have healthcare? Fucking communists.

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Anyway, This is very bad NRA safety planning. But hey, the upside is that nobody will have their gun sexxx weekend ruined by inconveniently getting shot in the junk.

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[The Tennessean/Nashville Public Radio]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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