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No, Scott Walker, You Cannot Write For Wonkette

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Deer Wonket, can I rite 4 u?


Oh gosh and golly and gee whiz, are we so flattered! Look who is obviously trying out to be a words-blogger for this here mommyblog recipe hub with dick jokes, Yr Wonkette!

We certainly do like the use of "lady patriots." It sounds very much like a thing what we would write! Like the time we wrote about Lady-Americans who are saving so much money on their slut pills. Or when we wrote about Rand Paul being a dick to a lady reporter. Or when we LOL'd at that lady lawmaker in California who said abortions caused the state's drought. Or how we LOL'd even more harder at Carly Fiorina claiming she will be the best lady president EVAH!

The finely nuanced difference, though, is that we are doing it for sarcasm and #jokes, and sometimes even to make pointed political commentary observations about chicks and stuff, whereas you, Scott Walker, are just a "lame" dumb asshole who is not going to be president. And not only because of how you are A Illiterate Moran, like, all of the times, and you are real not good at words:

It is also, Scott Walker, because of how you are bad at the thinking too, and the not-thinking and the history-knowing, and also extra-because of how your politics suck even more worser than how you do words bad. Plus, in addition, we are a far-left commie fascist interweb netsite blog thingy, where we write all the love sayings about abortion and communism and socialism and science and college and government-funded free stuff, and we happen to think you are a ginormous A Idiot, like we say on a regular basis. So we do not think you'd fit in here, since we don't like you at all, and we'd hate to not be able to use this video of you over and over and over again, forever.

We do like lady patriots, though, and plan to steal it. So thanks for that.

[h/t @JessieOpie]

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Fellow Wonkers, this last week of horror has been wearing on us all, because here we are in a world where the "president" of the United States has ordered that migrant children be taken away from their parents at the border, and is simultaneously proud of it (for his base) and cravenly blaming it on Democrats because even he knows it's morally reprehensible. But what the hell can we do about it, we are all keening, beyond calling our senators and representatives and posting sadness on Twitter, the latter of which is of dubious utility to anyone, and mostly depressing?

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There are perks to being the only Harvard professor willing to shill for the Bush League Mussolini. Everyone else has to haul ass to the Fox studio and sit for hair and makeup. Not Alan Dershowitz! He just parks his laptop in Pee Wee's playhouse and Skypes in that rant. Is he even wearing pants? We hope never to find out!

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