What was that thing William S. Burroughs said about 'Decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces'?

North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R-Your Restroom) has at long last conceded the election that took place almost a month ago, offering a combination of holiday greeting and concession speech on the YouTubes, because what says "Merry Christmas (NOT 'HAPPY HOLIDAYS' YOU HEATHENS)" more beautifully than admitting you'll need to leave a forwarding address for Saint Nick?

After the obligatory "thank you" to Our Veterans, who make Christmas possible by keeping terrorists away from Baby Jebus, McCrory finally got around to the concession part:

During this wonderful season, it’s also time to celebrate our democratic process and respect what I see to be the ultimate outcome of the closest North Carolina Governor’s race in modern history. Despite continued questions that should be answered regarding the voting process, I personally believe that the majority of our citizens have spoken

McCrory conceded near the end of a recount he requested of the vote in Durham County, one of the state's largest; his early lead there on election night evaporated after early votes from several precincts were added to the total count late in the evening. The Republican-controlled Durham County Election Board explained that the late returns were the result of problems with computer memory cards from voting machines, which required them to tabulate the results from paper backups. Despite McCrory's evidence-free allegations of statewide voter fraud, the final tally had him losing by over 10,000 votes.

Some trivia for you: With his concession, McCrory becomes the first North Carolina governor to lose a bid for reelection. (There is no truth to the rumor we just made up that past disputes over close votes have all been handled by combat to the death using the Klingon ritual weapon, the bat'leth.)

Even in conceding, however, McCrory still had to be a jerk baby with that line about "continued questions that should be answered regarding the voting process," despite the findings of every single county election board in the state, all of which are controlled by Republicans, and many of which had actually engaged in outrageous efforts to suppress Democratic turnout.

Nevertheless, McCrory was a fairly gracious jerk baby, adding that "we now should do everything we can to support the 75th governor of North Carolina, Roy Cooper," his Democratic opponent. McCrory promised his administration "will assist in every way to help the new administration make a smooth transition." Even if everyone knows the Democrats stole the election, despite any evidence of it. Presumably, McCrory will spend part of his remaining time in office continuing to call for investigations of votes in several counties; on Saturday, he called for the State Bureau of Investigation to look into absentee ballots in Bladen County, after the State Board of Elections rejected a Republican request for the absentee ballots to be thrown out. Gee, think there's any chance that could be setting the stage for the Republican-dominated state legislature to ram through a whole bunch of voting restrictions in hopes that a Trump-controlled Justice Department will let 'em through?

In his turn, Governor-elect Roy Cooper issued a statement that sounds awfully gracious to the obstructionist old teabagger, and displays no external evidence of having been signed with gritted teeth:

“I want to thank Gov. McCrory and our First Lady Ann McCrory for their service to our state,” Cooper wrote. “Kristin and I look forward to working with them and their staff in what I expect will be a smooth transition. I’m proud to have received the support from so many who believe that we can come together to make a North Carolina that works for everyone. ... While this was a divisive election season, I know still that there is more that unites us than divides us.”

And what's next for Pat McCrory? Considering how friendly the incoming Trump administration is to Voting Rights, with Jeff Sessions the nominee for Attorney General and Kansas Vote Suppression czar Kris Kobach working on Trump's transition team, we have little doubt the Trump Justice Department will find a place for McCrory in the Civil Rights Division. That, or McCrory may just wander the Target Stores of America, screaming about transgender rapists in the terlets.

[WSOC TV / News & Observer]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

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Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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