Earlier today, our Doktor Zoom brought you the thrilling tale, Jake Tapper Disembowels Stephen Miller Then Wipes His Gut Blood On His Face Like In A Gross Horror Movie. It was really weird! Stephen Miller was being his usual OUTRAGED self and Jake Tapper just kinda went TO HELL with this.

Or maybe more like this, we just cannot decide!

After he filibustered and grievance-mongered and yowled and gesticulated, CNN security reportedly had to escort Miller out.

Thanks to Arden Farhi, a producer at CBS News, we have a transcript of Tapper continuing to sew Miller's eyeballs onto a pooka-eyeball-shell necklace, and also:

This is why they don't let you on TV, STEPHEN. Meanwhile, does Michael Wolff, King Bitch, have any observations on Stephen Miller and his persona? (We mean "his face"?) Surely does!

(Fire and Fury, Kindle page 307.)

Once again, we shall have to factcheck Wolff by searching the Wonkette wayback machine for "stephen miller outraged," and give Wolff the prized WONKETTE FACTCHECK: TRUE! award.

JIM ACOSTA: This whole notion of … they have to learn English before they get to the United States. Are we just going to bring in people from Great Britain and Australia?

STEPHEN MILLER: Jim … I am SHOCKED at your statement that you think that only people from Great Britain and Australia would know English. … It reveals your COSMOPOLITAN BIAS to a SHOCKING DEGREE that in YOUR MIND … that you think that only people from Great Britain and Australia would speak English is SO INSULTING to millions of hard-working immigrants …

ACOSTA: It sounds like you’re trying to engineer the racial and ethnic flow of people into this country.

MILLER: Jim, that is one of the most OUTRAGEOUS, INSULTING, IGNORANT AND FOOLISH THINGS YOU’VE EVER SAID. And for you, that’s still … the notion that you think that this is a racist bill is SO wrong and SO insulting.

We will add that to the index as: Up, Francis lighten.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube


6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,


Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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