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The crazy LOSER lady Mary Lou is on the left, next to Ted Cruz's insane father.


Texas kiddies, you have missed the opportunity of a lifetime. In a Republican runoff election for the state school board, voters had a simple choice: Keven Ellis, whom we'll call "some guy," and Mary Lou Bruner, that AMAZING East Texas lady who knows President Obama has a nasty coke habit that he pays for by sucking the D for cash money. She saw it on the internet!

But we guess the supposed grown-up voters of Texas don't even care about their kids learning REAL KNOWLEDGE, because they voted for Some Guy on Tuesday, instead of Mary Lou! What is this world coming to?

The East Texas Tea Party activist and former schoolteacher had been favored to succeed in the race after nearly winning the March 1 primary outright and accumulating heavy support from influential conservative groups that typically hold big sway in low-turnout runoff elections. But Ellis, a Lufkin chiropractor who presides over the local school board, maintained a double-digit lead over Bruner throughout Tuesday night, and that lead widened as vote returns rolled in. He ended the night about 18 points ahead of Bruner.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/598811/texas-school-board-candidate-cant-wait-to-teach-kids-about-obamas-gay-whoring-days"></a>[/wonkbar]PFFFFFFT, "Keven." We bet "Keven" doesn't even know about how the dinosaurs went extinct because Noah and his family accidentally brought pre-teen dinos onto the ark, dinos whose balls hadn't even dropped yet. Mary Lou knows that.

We bet "Keven" doesn't know the bearded version of House Speaker Paul Ryan "looks like a terrorist," or that George P. Bush gave the Alamo to the United Nations as a birthday present. Mary Lou knows both those things.

And we DEFINITELY bet "Keven" doesn't know shit from shinola about snakes, the way Mary Lou does:

NOW WHO WILL STOP THE POISONOUS ISIS TERROR MESSICANO SNAKES?

Not "Keven," that's for sure.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601043/texas-school-board-candidate-pretty-sure-pre-k-turns-kids-into-little-gay-whores"></a>[/wonkbar]Heaven only knows what Texan school children will now learn, without Mary Lou helping to steer the curriculum. And oh god, they might have to learn things in Pre-K programs, which Mary Lou is 100% abso-tively posi-lutely sure are a one-way slippery slope to becoming a gay whore sexer like Obama.

Oh well, Mary Lou. You tried.

But Satan won. Or "Keven," or whatever he's calling himself these days.

[Texas Tribune / h/t Pink News]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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