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Nuclear Reactor Failure Rains Darkness And Sewage On Southwest

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Nuclear reactors serving Southern California, Arizona and northwestern Mexico raptured themselves last night, leaving 6 million people to boil to death in the 104-degree darkness. Honest-to-god details from theAP report of the blackout: flights leaving San Diego airport halted, everybody was told to stay inside, mayhem engulfed the highways as cars swerved into oncoming traffic to break free of the gridlock, and, for good measure, 3.2 million gallons of sewage spilled out onto San Diego's beaches. HAS THE CHINESE INVASION BEGUN??


No, America's own citizens are the number one warlord when it comes to bringing America to its knees, thank you very much.

The outage occurred after an electrical worker removed a piece of monitoring equipment at a power substation in southwest Arizona, officials at Phoenix-based Arizona Public Service Co. said.

It was unclear why that mishap, which normally would have been isolated, sparked such a widespread outage. The company said that would be the focus of an investigation.

"This was not a deliberate act. The employee was just switching out a piece of equipment that was problematic," said Daniel Froetscher, an APS vice president.

GAH, ARIZONA. THAT WAS OUR NEXT GUESS. "Some guy from Arizona" is always a good guess for "who started the Apocalypse this time?" [AP]

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DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen's week is going so great, she's earned herself one of Wonkette's prize-winning GO FUCK YOURSELFS! (Prize awarded to Wonkette by Wonkette.)

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No, the Daily Mail didn't fake up an AP photo of Melania Trump wearing a Zara jacket this morning with a graffiti-style scrawl "I Don't Really Care, Do You?" on her way to the border to learn that the children are very HAPPY in their new NOT SHELTER, A HOME!


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