All hat, no Clinton.Remember Hillary Clinton's big win in Texas due to her ability to answer the phone at 3 a.m. because her husband's getting sucked off by a fat gal in the Oval Office again? Well, those ads were actually shown in Ohio, and also Barack Obama is handily beating Hillary Clinton, 99 delegates to 95 delegates. What the hell?


Remember that whole crazy "primacaucus" thing we covered for you, live in person and on the Internets, back on March 4? Well the second part of that make-believe word is "caucus," and that's what the Texans had, and of course St. Barack of Obama won that because he always wins the caucuses because he cheats by being the candidate people will agree to support.

So while the actual counting of the caucus results is stopped for some reason (?), everybody still knows, secretly, that Barack Obama won Texas. This is why:

Hillary Clinton: 65+30 = 95 Delegates
Barack Obama: 61+38 = 99 Delegates

We aren't professors of mathematics anymore, but that looks pretty winnish to us. So it seems Our Barry didn't get nearly the California whooping we'd been led to believe by Mark Penn's evil mind rays, and Our Barry also ended up winning Texas, despite Hillary getting 100,000 more votes, and now all Obama needs to do is build a Time Machine and go back to Ohio on March 3 and kill all the poor sad white Democrat people and then he'll have that state, too.

Barack Obama Won The Texas Primary [Experience Project]

It's Official: Clinton Lost Texas [Political Machine]

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