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Obama Begins Two Hundred Million Trillion Dollar Asian Vacation

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  • Barack Obama is fleeing the country for a ten-day "please stop taking our jobs?" tour of India, Indonesia, South Korea and Japan. And there have been many accurate news reports suggesting that Obama is spending two hundred million dollars a day on this Gluttonous Asian Vacation: Our president does not pack lightly! According to Matt Drudge, the White House has been lifted from its foundation and placed on a flatbed truck made entirely out of diamonds, and this diamond-encrusted flatbed truck was placed on the most expensive aircraft carrier -- and then this aircraft carrier was put in the cargo hold of a different and way more expensive aircraft carrier. And this aircraft carrier is just one of the thirty-four warships that Obama is taking with him. (The rest of these ships are carrying delicious snacks, like popcorn shrimp.) Talk about splurging! Michele Bachmann is just so goddamned angry about this reckless spending, and her soon-to-be formed Constitutional Conservative Caucus Party (CCCP -- what a filthy Pinko!) is going to hold hearings, on Fox News. Too bad all of this is just phony baloney nonsense made up by some Indian tabloid. Uh, but it is true that Obama will attend the G-20 and APEC summits while he's over there. Shame on him! (What?) [CNN]
  • Meanwhile, in Washington State: Patty Murray has defeated Dino Rossi! [Seattle Times]


  • And it looks like Dannel P. Malloy will be the next governor of Connecticut. [NYT]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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