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Obama, Boehner Keep Fighting Over How Badly Boehner Will Beat Him

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  • Here is what Congress is getting done these days: If Barack Obama wants to use the bathroom, he has to give House Republicans a spending cut they want. If Barack Obama wants to eat dinner with his family, he has to give House Republicans a spending cut they want. If Barack Obama wants to stop them passing a bill declaring white the official skin color of the United States, he has to give House Republicans a spending cut they want. Barack Obama can deliver great speeches about the debt, and he can kill all the Osama bin Ladens he wants, but it doesn't matter. John Boehner will deliver inferior speeches based on glaring, elementary mistruths about the economy and still basically win. So how much is this debt ceiling thing going to cost Obama? [NYT]
  • Osama bin Laden's glamorous head-shot head-shots will be shown to Congress' intelligence and armed services committees. But every member of Congress is still planning on bragging that they've seen them, of course. "We can confirm that we are also the popular kids," members who are not on those committees said. [CNN]
  • Osama bin Laden's kids disagree with the murder of their father. Ugh, aren't the families of murder victims the worst? Pound a beer with us, you pussies! [NYT]
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Among the primary results from Tuesday that we didn't report: Chris Murphy, US Senator from Connecticut, managed to hold on to the Democratic nomination for a second term. Actually, if you want to get all technical about it, he didn't win the nom Tuesday -- he'd already been nominated at the state party convention in May, and the Dem primary was cancelled since Murphy was the only one to file. Murphy's also heavily favored to win reelection this fall. The biggest question for Murphy is whether he's hoping to seek some other office in a couple years. (As if any prominent Democratic senator hasn't already mentally compared their inaugural crowd size to Trump's.)

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In 2014, Pastor Jamie Coots of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus' Name church in Middlesborough, Kentucky died from a rattlesnake bite. Was it a camping accident? Did something go terribly wrong at the zoo? No, he was handling those snakes on purpose, in order to demonstrate how super holy he was. Not holy enough, it seems,

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