Hey everybody, Barry Hussein Obama has just doomed his chances of winning the nomination because he teamed up with Sam Brownback (we did not know Sam Brownback was still in the race) and Ron "Dr. Ron Paul" Paul by signing some oath of chastity or something. These are the only guys who will sign the Oath! Think about it.
The oath in question is called The Oath of Presidential Transparency (that's a .pdf link we did not click because our Adobe Reader is acting funny lately) and according to sources, it is about how if, theoretically, any of these guys ever got anywhere near the White House, they would not be as openly crooked and corrupt as presidents tend to be these days.
Wearing wizard robes and holding the Orb of Solitude, the three candidates recited the Oath in a solemn ceremony in a cave the other day. The theatrical costume part reportedly appealed to Rudy Giuliani, but once he heard it had something to do with not being a viciously corrupt motherfucker who would stab his own children for a buck, he refused to have anything to do with it.