Obama NSA Susan Rice Invites Lindsey Graham To Eat This Bag Of Dicks

stfu lindsey

It sounds like Barack Obama's former national security adviser Susan Rice is literally done with this shit. She had to endure a month of a Fake News story about how she maybe somehow did something criminal when she was the NSA, by nefariously "unmasking" U.S. persons picked up in incidental foreign surveillance. Of course, in a sane world, this is known as the national security adviser doing her fucking job.

Now, Senator Lindsey Graham has asked her to testify before his Senate Judiciary Committee subcommittee on crime and terrorism, in a hearing on Russian meddling in the 2016 election, and her very nice reply was "Lindsey, my love, I'm gonna need you to get fucked." CNN reports on why:

A letter obtained exclusively by CNN from Rice's lawyer, Kathryn Ruemmler, outlines the grounds for her decision not to appear. It was addressed to Graham, the Republican chairman of the judiciary subcommittee on crime and terrorism, which is holding the hearing, and senior Democrat Sheldon Whitehouse.

"Senator Whitehouse has informed us by letter that he did not agree to Chairman Graham's invitation to Ambassador Rice, a significant departure from the bipartisan invitations extended to other witnesses," Ruemmler wrote. "Under these circumstances, Ambassador Rice respectfully declines Senator Graham's invitation to testify."

So basically Rice was like "Oh wait, I thought you and your Democratic counterpart were inviting me for a productive discussion on Russian interference. It's not that? Go screw, as you are a giant ass." According to CNN, Rice believes (probably correctly) that having her testify would be a "diversionary play," so the committee can waste our time talking about "unmasking" and normal intelligence collection (that probably has picked up the names of Team Trump IN DROVES), instead of talking about how Team Trump got in bed with the Russians and made gay love (oh no, don't crucify us like a common Stephen Colbert!) in order to win the 2016 election.

The letter from Rice's lawyer says she's absolutely "prepared to assist Congressional inquiries into Russian election interference because of the important issues at stake, provided they are conducted in a bipartisan manner, and as appropriate, in a classified session." She's just not interested in being part of a GOP dog-and-pony show where she's the target, for no reason in particular except to salve the flaming butthurt of Donald Trump.

And it turns out Senator Whitehouse agrees with her, according to CNN:

"I don't believe that Dr. Rice's participation is germane to the topic of this hearing, and I believe her presence would be a distraction from the critical issues at hand. I fully support her decision not to testify."

Whitehouse noted that he and Graham agree on all their other witnesses. He's just not down for this "HEY SQUIRREL BENGHAZI SUSAN RICE BLACK LADY!" bullshit.

Senator Graham is being a total shit about this, big surprise:

"I want to know about unmasking," Graham said. "Apparently the number of unmasking requests tripled last year, versus 2015 ... I want to know who can unmask an American citizen's name who's caught up in surveillance, and what they can do with that information."

Oh shut the fuck up, Lindsey, and go get drunk with Dana Bash. You're more pleasant that way.

Surprise, the "president" is very upset with the black lady defying his wishes:

Yeah, because the "allegations" are fake and stupid, wholly made up by the Trump White House and then leaked to some cuck named Mike Cernovich, therefore they are literally beneath her.

Like Rice said, she will totally help with any part of the ACTUAL INVESTIGATION, if she can be of assistance. Otherwise, she is busy washing her hair that day, and Trump and Lindsey Graham are invited to eat one million bags of dicks.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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