MINDY: Hi! I'm Mindy!
KATIE: I'm Katie! We're the hosts of GOP.com's "Off The Record." It's a hip GOP webcast for young people!
MINDY: We do candid interviews with Party leaders that go beyond the usual TV news soundbites!
KATIE: God, they keep it dark in here! I haven't seen sunshine in over a week!
MINDY: Some people think that RNC militants are holding us hostage!
KATIE: Our perky but monotonous speaking patterns are so not a sign of brain-washing!
MINDY: Before we start taping, we bludgeon ourselves with hammers! That deadens our senses and makes us more serious-seeming!
KATIE: Also, I'm a remedial reader. That's why I stumble so much! Not cuz I'm scared!
MINDY: When we trip on our words, young voters connect with us!
KATIE: You almost never trip, Mindy! You have a real knack for words!
MINDY: Also, we have no last names! Young voters love that!
KATIE: Ari Fleischer terrifies me!
MINDY: Young people also love music! So we have our guests pretend to love music too! Ken Mehlman loves Zeppelin!
KATIE: I haven't been fed for seventeen days!
MINDY: Our guests like to talk about the news media! They don't love the news media as much as they love music!
KATIE: TV news should be more like campaign bumperstickers!
MINDY: Bumperstickers give voters information without all the bias!
KATIE: Not everyone has time to read though!
MINDY: That's why we make "Off the Record."
KATIE: Oh, God! Here comes Alberto Gonzales again! Please, no more wet towels!
MINDY: Well! That's all for this week, guys! Be sure to tune in next week! We'll be asking Newt Gingrich if he has any pets!
— GREG BEATO
Off The Record [GOP.com]