Official Wonkette Election Post Mortem Puts Blame Where It Belongs: On Anthony Weiner's Dick

Since the Internet is still doing election post mortems on How Hillary Clinton Failed By Doing Everything Wrong And She's Also The Worst, Wonkette would like to add its Official Entry into the post mortem sweepstakes: Hey, Y'all Forget About Anthony Weiner's Dick?

You're all busy talking about "identity politics" vs. "populism," or whether Hillary Clinton talked enough about the economy, or how many times Bernie Sanders would have won the election (we know, all of the times) when her lead going into Election Night was insurmountable ... until the FBI breathed some new life into low-energy Trumpers, catching the Hillz camp in overconfident mannequin mode.

Yes, we already blamed FBI Director James Comey, but what was the proximate cause of his flabbergasting letter to (the Republican parts of) Congress explaining that even though he had put Hillary Clinton's email crimes to bed, he had to revisit the case, 11 days before the election, for vague and inchoate "causes"? Anthony Weiner's dick.

Watch the "Weiner" documentary on Showtime or pretty much anywhere online, and you will see Donald Trump's opposite-land alter ego: a man just as narcissistic as he, but who can actually say smart words with his mouth, and thus thinks he will never get caught, no matter how many times he ruins an election (now including one for the presidency of the United States!), with his dick.

I know you don't want to watch Weiner, because you are still doing self-care, but it's fascinating and mesmerizingly done. This putz (Yiddish for Anthony Weiner, and his dick) yells at constituents that they just embarrassed themselves before the whole country, for explaining to him about his dick, and then he watches himself on the computer and grins (and you can almost see his boner for himself), thinking that he is the bestor instead of the bestee.

Watch Huma Abedin still trying to normalize things, after once again the nation sees her husband's dick; for her, normalcy is "running a campaign." It's ... oh girl. Your boss Hillary Clinton was right. She told you your husband's dick would ruin your world. What we don't know is if she warned it would end it for all of us.

Know that even after this second time with Anthony Weiner's dick -- when the caricature Sydney Leathers runs after him at his New York mayor's race election night party and then complains that he wouldn't stand there and let her make a scene to his face -- there would be a third time, with a 15-year-old girl, and his dick, and the FBI rooting through "emails" because what part of "Anthony Weiner's dick" don't you understand?

We all understand Anthony Weiner's dick. Its need for constant affirmation; its need to always, ALWAYS be seen; its need to FUCK. THINGS. UP.

It's the Donald Trump of dicks. It's dumb and it's fucking evil, both, and it's got just as much ADHD.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc