Official Wonkette Election Post Mortem Puts Blame Where It Belongs: On Anthony Weiner's Dick
Since the Internet is still doing election post mortems on How Hillary Clinton Failed By Doing Everything Wrong And She's Also The Worst, Wonkette would like to add its Official Entry into the post mortem sweepstakes: Hey, Y'all Forget About Anthony Weiner's Dick?
You're all busy talking about "identity politics" vs. "populism," or whether Hillary Clinton talked enough about the economy, or how many times Bernie Sanders would have won the election (we know, all of the times) when her lead going into Election Night was insurmountable ... until the FBI breathed some new life into low-energy Trumpers, catching the Hillz camp in overconfident mannequin mode.
Yes, we already blamed FBI Director James Comey, but what was the proximate cause of his flabbergasting letter to (the Republican parts of) Congress explaining that even though he had put Hillary Clinton's email crimes to bed, he had to revisit the case, 11 days before the election, for vague and inchoate "causes"? Anthony Weiner's dick.
We'll get back to being constructive and helpful real soon, but for now, COME VENT WITH US.
I know you don't want to watch Weiner, because you are still doing self-care, but it's fascinating and mesmerizingly done. This putz (Yiddish for Anthony Weiner, and his dick) yells at constituents that they just embarrassed themselves before the whole country, for explaining to him about his dick, and then he watches himself on the computer and grins (and you can almost see his boner for himself), thinking that he is the bestor instead of the bestee.
Watch Huma Abedin still trying to normalize things, after once again the nation sees her husband's dick; for her, normalcy is "running a campaign." It's ... oh girl. Your boss Hillary Clinton was right. She told you your husband's dick would ruin your world. What we don't know is if she warned it would end it for all of us.
A Children's Treasury Of Folks Wondering What The Hell Kinda Stunt James Comey's Trying To Pull Here
We all understand Anthony Weiner's dick. Its need for constant affirmation; its need to always, ALWAYS be seen; its need to FUCK. THINGS. UP.
It's the Donald Trump of dicks. It's dumb and it's fucking evil, both, and it's got just as much ADHD.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.