Oh Good, Now All The People Want To Put The Tiny Brown Babies In Baby Jail

File this under No One Could Have Predicted: While members of Congress are on summer vacation, holding town halls so they can pretend to give a damn about what their constituents have to say, it seems some of those constituents are a tad miffed about this whole BORDER CRISIS!!!!! situation and what exactly Congress plans to do about that.

It has been a question heard repeatedly by lawmakers this month in "town hall" district meetings punctuated - and sometimes dominated - by concerns and angry outbursts over immigration policy and the crisis caused by a flood of child migrants at the southwestern border in recent months.

Those summer town halls have provided lawmakers a first-hand glimpse of growing discontent among Americans over U.S. immigration policy. Seventy percent of Americans - including 86 percent of Republicans - believe undocumented immigrants threaten traditional U.S. beliefs and customs, according to a Reuters/Ipsos poll conducted in mid-July.

It sure is hard to imagine how Americans got the idea that all those undocumented immigrants posed a threat to 'Merica. Hmmm ... maybe it has something to do with all of the chest-beating and saber-rattling and fear-mongering and pants-crapping, primarily by conservatives, warning Americans to Be Afraid, Be VERY Afraid of, Teh Illegals.

Wavy lines! Wavy lines! (We just flashbacked at you.) Remember all these Ooooh Scary warnings that maybe have contributed to the "growing discontent" about how Congress is letting all these un-Americans sneak into our country to destroy us from the inside?

  • There was that "report" from the Heritage Foundation that immigration reform would bankrupt the entire universe, of which America sits right in the center, duh.

    Heritage has a fascinating explanation of its study based on the premise that we cannot reform immigration because the government has lots of different “welfare benefits” to help Americans such as “educating the children” and “making sure people don’t starve” and other luxurious frivolities like that. You know, programs including “Medicaid, food stamps, the refundable Earned Income Tax Credit, public housing, Supplemental Security Income, and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.” These are all horrible, wasteful programs that we should not have at all, but if we must have them, they should be mostly for rich white people who don’t need them, just as Jesus and Thomas Jefferson intended.

  • Also, very serious and not at all bugfuck insane Rep. Michele Bachmann has been screeching for a while about one of the very biggest threats of even talking about immigration reform: the end of the Republican Party. (Yeah, we don't know why she says that like it's a bad thing either. If immigration reform passes, she told WorldNetDaily in 2013, "we will never again have a Republican president." And worse:

    Shelly goes on to note that if the immigration bill passes the House will flip to the Democrats, and the Senate will stay in the steely grip of Sen. Reid and the Democrats, and “you will never again be able to see our country return to its constitutional foundations.” Because unless Republicans can engineer an electoral workaround, the Constitution still seems to allow voters to elect the wrong people.

    Sure, "it may sound melodramatic," she admitted at the time, which hasn't stopped her from trying to be even more melodramatic until someone please begs her to run for president in 2016. (We are begging you, Michele. Please please please!)

    “Now President Obama is trying to bring all of those foreign nationals, those illegal aliens to the country and he has said that he will put them in the foster care system,” Bachmann said. “That’s more kids that you can see how – we can’t imagine doing this, but if you have a hospital and they are going to get millions of dollars in government grants if they can conduct medical research on somebody, and a Ward of the state can’t say ‘no,’ a little kid can’t say ‘no’ if they’re a Ward of the state; so here you could have this institution getting millions of dollars from our government to do medical experimentation and a kid can’t even say ‘no.’ It’s sick”.

  • Iowa Rep. Steve Jesus King, (R-Nazareth) has spent at least 34 hours a day warn us of the coming brownpocalypse, THANKS OBAMA.

    This is a man-caused disaster, and the man that caused it is Barack Obama, with his DACA policies and his Morton memos, and the advertisement that has been such a huge magnet that have caused these families to give their daughters birth control pills and send them down a rape path all the way through Mexico, and it’s a death path on the death train.

  • And of course we will never forget that while some of these kids may be valedictorians:

    For every one who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds — and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’ve been hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.

  • Also too, 9/11:

    Recalling a conversation he had with a former INS agent, Mike Cutler, during a congressional hearing, King said he asked Cutler, “How many Americans have died at the hands of [illegal immigrants] who did make it into America? What’s the price Americans are paying for an open door policy?”

    King claims that Cutler responded, “‘I don’t know the answer to that, but I can tell you it will be in multiples of the victims of September 11th.’ Now that hits home doesn’t it?” he asked …

    “Three thousand times something,” King said. “Three thousand times something, three thousand times X, is the magnitude of individual tragedies here in America.”

    We could stroll down the memory rape path of Steve King's most infamous insights on immigration, but then we'd have to punch ourselves in the face, so let's move on.

  • Remember that immigrants aren't just sneaking into America to rape our pretty white co-eds and do 9/11 to us; they are also, per Rep. Louie Gohmert, coming to infect us with their diseases, like scabies and lice and the flu. Maybe even ebola, a view shared by several of his fellow Republicans, including Rep. Phil Gingrey MD, who must know what he's talking about because he is a doctor.

  • Indicted Gov. Rick Perry has been threatening to launch airstrikes and send in ground troops to protect the border, for the basement bargain price of $12 million a month, which Texas can definitely afford ... somehow. Especially if his buddy Sean Hannity agrees to machine gun any suspicious looking browns at a discounted rate.

  • It's not just the employed elected officials who've been trying to scare the bejesus out of us. Half-term Gov. Sarah Palin has said some words that, with the use of our Palin-to-English dictionary, seem to translate into "Illegals bad, Obama worser."

  • There was that time someone found a "Muslim" "prayer" "rug" (or maybe just a shirt) in Arizona, which proves that all those brown children streaming across the border to steal our jobs and kill us with diseases are possibly in fact Trojan horses for the real threat: Muslins! Earlier this month, Republican National Committeelady Tamara Scott proposed on her radio show this extremely likely and extremely NOT hyperbolic theory:

    When we see these kids, you and I think young kids, we think maybe 12-year-olds, maybe even homeschoolers — or excuse me, middle schoolers. But we know back in our revolution, we had 12-year-olds fighting in our revolution and for many of these kids, depending on where they're coming from, they could be coming from other countries and be highly trained as warriors who will meet up with their group here and actually rise up against us as Americans.

    Yup, that sure seems legit, her tea party guest agreed, and then took this theory to its obvious conclusion:

    We do know that Hamas and — I'm sorry Hezbollah fund several training camps in Venezuela and other South American countries and they are training these young, these youths, beginning as early as eight or nine years through the MS-13 gangs but they are being trained as warriors. You’re absolutely right.

Geez, no wonder Americans are now getting all shouty at their congresspersons because they are freaked the eff out that we are all going to die, like, yesterday, if Congress does not do ... um ... a thing.

The anger and frustration expressed in the town halls suggests there will be a fierce debate when U.S. lawmakers return to Washington on Sept. 8 and take up proposals to address a flood of child migrants crossing the southwestern U.S. border.

And hoo boy howdy, we sure can't wait for that debate, when Congress will argue with itself about whether we should build a real big wall, declare war, impeach Obama, or just ship those scary brown Messican and/or Hamasian kids -- first class, of course -- back to whatever not-America they came from, so they can be killed as soon as they return because that really is the most America Fuck Yeah! patriotic thing to do.



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