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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who won the Democratic primary in NY-14 by committing SOCIALISM SORCERY, has won another primary, because apparently she thinks she is entitled to do SOCIALISM REDISTRIBUTION of all the primaries in the whole American land TO HERSELF. Well, Wonkette has one word for that and it is PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

OK we are kidding. But she did win another primary in a district she isn't even running to represent. It is New York's 15th district, which is next door to the 14th. She didn't win the Democratic primary though, but rather the Reform Party's primary, and she won it by collecting NINE WRITE-IN VOTES. She even beat the incumbent, Democratic Rep. Jose Serrano!


In response, Ocasio-Cortez declared victory and anointed herself president of all the primaries in all of America and was last seen marching toward the White House to go ahead and pick out Oval Office decor while El Dipshit is out of town, just so she has it ready for the 2024 election, which she will be just barely eligible for.

Just kidding, she graciously LOLed and said she'll go ahead and be president of NY-14 for now:

She WOULD say that.

OK, we really have nothing else to say about this besides how it is a cute story to end our day, so we will go ahead and make this your OPEN THREAD and get the fuck outta here. Goodbye!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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There could still be a partial shutdown of the government starting Saturday if Congress doesn't pass a budget bill in time, but at least Donald Trump has caved, yet again, on what last week he insisted was absolutely completely necessary to keep the government open. You might remember it -- dude said he'd be PROUD to shut down the government and take credit for it if he didn't get $5 billion to build the thing. Today, he's more like MEH, what wall, he can fund it some other way, maybe, honestly, who cares, it's time for golf, isn't it? Whatever his thinking, Trump has dropped the wall-funding ultimatum, though there's still no budget deal, because congressional Democrats aren't about to take Mitch McConnell's crappy alternative offer, either.

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December 18. One week before Christmas. In a normal and just and sane world, the news cycle would be dying and we'd be decking the halls and trying to find dumb things to write about just to make YOU DINGBATS happy. (Christmas week in 2015 we wrote about an idiot rightwing Christian extremist named Bryan Fischer, who thinks dinosaurs in the Bible were really just VERY OLD GRANDMA BIBLE LIZARDS.) But alas, Barack Obama is no longer president, so the shitshow continues.

Donald Trump is, of course, about to head off on vacation, from his ... paid vacation in Washington. Basically he's just transferring his voluminous ass to a different gold-plated toilet so he can do his Twitter-shits in a sunnier climate. Regardless, Gabe Sherman reports that the White House is on edge, because OH SHIT, PRESIDENT TINKLE SMELLS WILL BE WITHOUT AN ADULT CHAPERONE FOR TWO WEEKS, THIS IS VERY, VERY BAD.

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