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Facts, bitchez


BREAKING OMG NEWS WITH ALL THE EXCLAMATION MARKS, if you are A Idiot:

An investigation in Missouri found no evidence that Planned Parenthood's St. Louis clinic mishandled fetal tissue or engaged in unlawful activity, Attorney General Chris Koster's office said on Monday. [...]

"The evidence reviewed by my investigators supports Planned Parenthood's representation that fetal tissue is handled in accordance with Missouri law," Koster said in a news release. "We have discovered no evidence whatsoever to suggest that Planned Parenthood's St. Louis facility is selling fetal tissue."

If you are Not A Idiot, you already reckoned this would be the case, because you know those videos that supposedly "prove" Planned Parenthood is chopping up blanket-swaddled toddlers and selling them for whore diamonds on the black market are, to use a technical term, pan-seared horse dung.

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And you know that every investigation thus far conducted throughout the United States o' Baby Parts has turned up a ginormous pile of fuck-all nothing, because of the whole aforementioned Not A Idiot thing, and also because we have told you that a million times already. You also know everyone's current favorite "Ah ha! GOTCHA!" video, the one that got Carly Fiorina so moist during the Republican debate inside Zombie Reagan's butt crack, is Cajun spice-blackened horse dung. Which isn't stopping Carly from lying about it and then lying about it some more, because she is a liar.

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Now, if you are A Idiot, you are probably thinking -- no, wait, you are probably not doing anything of the sort. But you might be feeling, somewhere in your gut region, that it is UNPOSSIBLE for yet another investigation into Planned Parenthood to find no wrongdoing at all whatsoever, because come on, they do abortions there, and that is some kind of icky gross ewwwwww to your dumb brain, which refuses to accept that abortion is a legal medical procedure, sorry not sorry and fuck you.

Maybe you are spittling to yourself and your MyBook friends, "Well, they only investimagated the one Planned Parenthood clinic thingy in Missouri, but jes you wait, they'll git r done and find all the baby-killin'!" But see, that's why you are A Idiot, because there is only the one abortion clinic left in all of Missouri, and you want to know why? Prolly not, you don't want to know anything, you just want to feel things and believe they must be true, because you feel them so hard, and also someone on Fox News said. It is because of dumb cousin-fuckers like you and all your deflowered cousins, heaving angry words about Planned Parenthood and abortion and "WATCH THE VIDEO!" when you are just dumb plain wrong.

This latest investigation will, of course, do nothing to stop the Republicans in Congress from trying to defund Planned Parenthood, or shut down the government to make some kind of A Point. (The point is that they are a bunch of nihilist fucksticks.) And if you are one of the A Idiots we were just insulting, the actual science facts won't stop you from mouth-breathing hysterically and making rage faces as you nod along with Fox News. If you are one of the Not A Idiots we talked about before, you already knew all of this, so sorry for wasting your time with the words and such like, carry on.

[Reuters]

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