Have your loins been hotly anticipating the new book from Michael Cohen, Oh The Bodies You'll Bury! Oh The Abortions You'll Cover Up ALLEGEDLY SAYS WHO! Trump Revolution: From The Tower to The White House, Understanding Donald J. Trump? Well that sucks for you, first of all because if you actually want to read barely literate musings from Michael Cohen in book form, you are bad at life. Also, it has been canceled. If you didn't know he was writing a book about MIS-TURRRRR TWUMP, don't worry, we didn't either.

The Daily Beast reports on the very sad story about how your Christmas gift-giving plans have been ruined by the cancellation of Michael Cohen's book:

In a copy of the proposal obtained by The Daily Beast, Cohen said that the book would detail his experiences serving as the Trump “family fix-it guy,” and would include his observations about everything from the 2016 campaign to what the proposal described as “the unfortunate saga involving Stephanie Clifford, also known as ‘Stormy Daniels.’” [...]

But the same sources told The Daily Beast that in recent weeks, the book deal had been called off amid Cohen’s legal woes.

Sad! And the original proposal made it sound so good, like what might happen if a super fuckin' idiot who went to America's worst law school wrote a tell-all book and accidentally confessed to one million crimes in the process!

“No issue was too big, too sticky or too oddball for me to tackle,” Cohen teases in the proposal. “I saw it all, handled it all. And still do.”

Gross, Michael Cohen, we do not want to know about how you handled Mister Trump's Big Sticky stuff.

As for whether the wingnut publisher that initially agreed to this travesty killed the deal, or whether Cohen pulled out his own self (or at the behest of lawyers, who don't tend to love it when their clients confess all over the remainders table at Barnes & Noble), we dunno, because Cohen isn't talking:

When reached by The Daily Beast about this story, Cohen simply responded, “Who is this?” He did not respond after The Daily Beast reporter clarified who he was.

The Daily Beast reporter shoulda called back and told Cohen "THE DEEP STATE" was calling, and then hung up and called back and asked Cohen if his refrigerator was running, because BETTER GO CATCH IT.

How painful it would have been for Michael Cohen in that moment, to have to decide between hiding from the Deep State under his bed and running down the street to catch his refrigerator.

We'd totally pay to watch that.

Anyway, open thread, talk amongst yourselves and like such as.

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[Daily Beast]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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And yes, it's actually worse than it sounds, if that is possible.

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