Oh No Roger Stone Found The Satanic Portal Above The White House

Conspiracy theories
roger stone

He did, he found it, the Satanic portal that exists above the White House.

JoeMyGod has the transcript, Right Wing Watch has the video, Wonkette is here to lazily make jokes about it.




It’s like a swirling cauldron.

But upside down!

I’ve tried to find some natural explanation: a reflection or an aerostat balloon for weather.

He Did His Own Research.

No. I sent a personal friend down there — he thought I was crazy —

Not a personal friend of Roger Stone's! How rude of friend to think Roger crazy!

I said, ‘Do me a favor, go down there, use a regular digital camera and see what you see.’

He's aware that a few million people could also go test this right now, isn't he? Even DSM-V candidates who listen to his show, if they live close enough.

It’s very, very clear. It doesn’t move, day or night. It’s harder to see during the day, but you see it at night.

But only through a digital camera. Allegedly.

This is the picture. Allegedly.


Definitely a portal to the underworld.


Question: Did somebody in Roger Stone's life take his digital camera and fuck with the settings as a joke?

Glob of dried jizz on the lens?

Scratch 'n' sniff and find out, Roger.

And I’m absolutely convinced about the inherent evil of what’s going on in the White House, what’s going on in the country, and I think it’s imperative that people know about this, that people of good faith and Christians know about this, and we begin a national, essentially a prayer assault to close the portal.

You know that thing when you're half awake and half asleep and your dream is still happening but you can also hear your alarm clock? Roger Stone lives there.

But yes, there is a portal and the Christians need to know it so they can all put on their robes and their wizard hats and prayer assault the portal and force it to close.

One million prayers = one foot of portal closed.

It is just math.

Was this portal there when Dumpy the Pockmarked Fuck Clown was living there up until January 20, 2021? Was it inside his golden Squatty Potty? Or did it appear the day Joe Biden got there? Roger Stone is leaving out some important science details.

We were born for this moment. I’ve been preparing for this moment for my entire life without even knowing it.

Hard same.

I just thought I was a political warrior. But this is no longer a war in the political realm, and I do know how it comes out because I know how the Bible comes out.

"How the Bible comes out." Pro tip: If you think the Bible has a "plot" like a common Michael Bay movie, you are the stupid kind of Christian.

Also, not even the loopiest interpretation of Revelation includes a Satanic cauldron above the White House that only Roger Stone can see.

I don’t know exactly what the plan is, but I do know that closing this portal is crucial to victory.

Works on "Buffy" usually! Close the hellmouth!


Giphy


I want others to talk about it. I want others to see it. This is not some practical joke. This isn’t some conspiracy theory.

Wonkette agrees that "this isn't some conspiracy theory." It hasn't risen to that level.

Can you really call it a "conspiracy theory" if it's just something Roger Stone is hallucinating in the part of his brain cavity between his underbite and his oddly shaped forehead?

I’m absolutely convinced that this is demonic.

It is a satanic portal. It is access to this Earth by those who are evil, and only by closing it will we be successful in saving this nation under God.

Well then get to it, Roger. Time's a wastin', bucko. Get over there, ye chosen, and prance around naked to scare it away or whatever you need to do. Sure, people will think you're certifiably insane, but how is that different from any other time?

Thanks for lookin' out for the demon portals, Roger. Warmest regards.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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