Oh Yeah, We Should Definitely Give An Extra Two United States Senators To 'Northern Colorado'

Oh Yeah, We Should Definitely Give An Extra Two United States Senators To 'Northern Colorado'

What is up, "Northern Colorado"? Oh, you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of having those elitist cosmopolitans from Denver and, um ... Colorado Springs we guess? ... ramming their sneering liberalness down your throats? (WITH THEIR PENISES.) And you think you should probably get your own state because democracy JUST. ISN'T. FAIR when you get outvoted on stuff because of how there are fewer of you?

Tell it to us, Washington Times:

Voters in several rural Colorado counties will be asked whether they want to form a new state tentatively named Northern Colorado in the November election, a reaction to the Democrat-controlled state legislature’s “war on rural Colorado.”

A war! My goodness. We should probably look at some of these battles and skirmishes and foofaraws!

Oh, whoops, the story does not tell us any. But we are GUESSING that it has to do with Kenyan Impostor Jr., John Hickenlooper, taking away your GUNZZZZZ and forcing you to smoke the marijuana.

After "Northern Colorado" convinces a majority of the House and Senate to say okay sure whatever we guess, then it will be time for other oppressed minorities to form their own states, like the new states of:

  • Central California. It is totally not fair how the 30 million people in LA and the Bay Area outnumber 15 farmers two million to one.
  • Eastern Washington. Because it is totally not fair how the fags in Seattle outnumber the people in Twisp by ... some number, we are not looking it up.
  • The Lubavitcher (sigh, fine, eight million commenters and people who are DMing me on Facebook) ultra-Orthodox section of Williamsburg. Because it it totally not fair how the ultra-Orthodox Jews who are so shitty to the women are not given their own senators to make the rest of the country be shitty to the women. (But not the rest of Brooklyn. Or the rest of Williamsburg.)
  • Your mom's house. Because it is totally not fair how she is outnumbered by all the Mexicans. Two senators for your mom, please!

What should not be a state though, are the minorities in DC and Puerto Rico, because they are Mexican.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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