Ohio School Board Considers Teaching Kids Creationism To Be Even More Dumber


Oh, for the love of God, really? REALLY?!?!

The Springboro, Ohio, school board is currently considering a proposal that would allow the district to teach creationism, despite objections from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and local parents.

Creationism, for those of you who have better things to do with your lives than staying current on Bible-humping passed off as science, is the "theory" -- which is not a theory at all, but a religious belief -- that God farted out the universe about 5,000 years ago and Adam and Eve were real and the Bible is literal and Jesus rode on dinosaurs and all of the scientists who are all, like, "Well, dude, actually, there's all this evidence ..." are a bunch of commie pinko fascist atheist socialist haters because the Bible says so, so there, shut up, heathens.

Yeah. That's creationism. And now the brain trust school board in Springsboro, which already tried teaching creationism and it did not go so good, is flirting with the idea again because maybe it won't be mind-numbingly stupid the second time around. (Spoiler alert: Yes too it will.)

The issue, which was discussed at Thursday night’s board meeting, is part of a larger proposal that would open up a variety of controversial issues for classroom discussion. According to the proposal, “[s]ex education, legalization of drugs, evolution/creation, pro-life/abortion, contraception/abstinence, conservatism/liberalism, politics, gun rights, global warming and climate change and sustainable development” would be considered suitable classroom topics, reports local news outlet WHIO-TV.

Um, no. No, wrong, fail, and no. While proponents of creationism like to say that it is simply another "theory" that should be taught side-by-side with evolution, it isn't. Evolution is an actual theory with actual scientific evidence to support it. Creationism has, um, people who believe stuff, but, like, believe it really really really a lot. While that apparently passes for "science" among, for example, 20 percent of Pennsylvania's science teachers, actually, it isn't.

And while we half-heartedly applaud the school board for getting all risque with its bad self by even thinking about teaching sex education and "sustainable development," we are sobbing big crocodile tears of sad that creationism is under consideration and that a doucheknob like this guy gets to vote on it:

However, school board member Jim Rigano told the outlet that he thought teaching creationism would help the district “ensure we’re not indoctrinating one point of view or another.”

Oh yes, clutch your pearls and grab the smelling salts, because we certainly wouldn't want to indoctrinate children with a scientific point of view when there is hocus pocus and voodoo and fake fossils what God planted just to fuck with us for His own amusement. (Yes. That's a thing creationists say to crazysplain away the evidence that contradicts them. Don't believe us? They built a whole goddamned museum about it.)

And so, in conclusion, we hope the school board of Springsboro, Ohio, will reconsider its consideration of teaching kids that on the one hand, there is science, but on the other hand, there is the Bible, and that they will not invest in, say, this book, which says that if scientific conclusions "contradict the Word of God, the conclusions are wrong no matter how many scientific facts may appear to back them" because our children are already dumb enough as it is, and to answer a question from our dumbest president, no, our children is not learning, and they certainly don't need to be dumbed down even more.




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